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April 11, 2017

Frat Boy Creates 8th Day of Week to Spend More Time with ‘The Boys’

By Mia Roncati

Traditionally, only Saturdays have been for the boys, but now, more and more days are being consumed by this ritual.

April 10, 2017

Literal River of Alcohol Runs Through DP During Deltopia

By Isaac Mikulski

This year’s alcohol-infused festivities included the creation of a lazy liquor river through the crowded street.

April 7, 2017

Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

By Vianna Mabanag

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.

April 5, 2017

UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

By Elisabeth March

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.

April 4, 2017

Drunken Basket Stealer Shows No Remorse in Court

By Emily Anne Williams

“Yeah, I did it, and I’d gladly do it again. Those baskets knew what they were in for. Zip ties ain’t got nothing on me.”

April 2, 2017

What Happens When A Student Stays in I.V. Over Spring Break

By Mia Roncati

What happens when you are the one left behind forced to suffer through the best weather and most stress-free environment all by yourself?

March 30, 2017

How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

By Lil Furnace

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.

March 28, 2017

7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

By Lil Furnace

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!

March 27, 2017

Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

By Lauren Jensen

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs that are visible fr...

March 24, 2017

“My Body, My Feet” Movement Aims to End Unwanted Footsy

By Lane Wright

On Sunday afternoon, a group of impassioned students forewent their studies in favor of chanting “My body! My feet!” while marching in and around Davidson Library.

March 22, 2017

Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

By Jenny De La Cuadra, Will McIntosh

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.

March 21, 2017

5 Most Romantic Spaces in the Library

By Emily Anne Williams

Are you afraid the love of your life might slip away because all you can think about are blue books and essay prompts? Have no fear! Nexustentialism is here to save your unraveling relationships.

March 16, 2017

What Your St. Paddy’s Day Outfit Says About You

By Will McIntosh

It has become common practice to dress up for the holiday with varying degrees of effort. Here’s a few examples of what your St. Paddy’s Day outfit says about you: