The Weatherhuman

November 3, 2009

Weather-Tool Lashes Out

By The Weatherhuman

A tool tirade is in order, but even the veil of anonymity would not be enough protection from the vicious passive aggressive backlash that would surely ensue.

November 2, 2009

What a Rough Weekend

By The Weatherhuman

Sleeping in your car is one thing. Ruining your poorly constructed and quickly improvised costume is something you make peace with, and losing your friends comes with the territory. But throwing up in your friend's bed?

October 30, 2009

No More Mr. Nice ‘Human

By The Weatherhuman

So, Halloween weekend is upon us, and I know who the Weatherhuman is going to haunt.

October 29, 2009

The Witching Hour Begins

By The Weatherhuman

You know what starts tonight. I’m not going to lecture you; I’m in no position. As it is, my plan is to turn in my scantrons, throw on whatever hat I find in the back of the closet and get immediately, indece...

October 28, 2009

The Key To Your 15 Minutes

By The Weatherhuman

Great news: The Weatherhuman found your keys! Weird, right? It’s like your 15 minutes of fame (sorry you had to waste it on this). I figure you may be reading this outside in the cold, using newspapers for warmth, ...

October 27, 2009

Sunny with a Chance of Crashing

By The Weatherhuman

Hey, while you were busy whining about how Where the Wild Things Are was your absolute most favorite childhood book ever and how the movie ruined it, your registration window for Winter opened, and closed.

October 26, 2009

Destroyed Dreams and Awful Alcohol

By The Weatherhuman

This routine is getting old. Any time I have left over from pulling all-nighters, slaving away for next to nothing and napping to the soundtrack of chickens is spent drinking, yet my body still has not learned to cope. I...

October 23, 2009

“Taconomics” Proves Non-nom

By The Weatherhuman

Did you all read that "investigative journalism" piece aptly titled, "Taconomics" in our fellow paper the other day?

October 22, 2009

To Sleep or Pass Midterms? That Is the Question…

By The Weatherhuman

Midterms have a way of sneaking up on me that makes me want to throw myself off the DP cliffs and land on a bicycle spoke.

October 21, 2009

A Bad Moon Rising

By The Weatherhuman

If I didn’t catch the swine flu at the thrift store today, I must be superhuman. Against my better judgment, I tried on hats from a bin, old people shirts — old people smell included — and more things t...

October 19, 2009

Baby’s First Alcohol Offense

By The Weatherhuman

Be warned: It's two weeks 'til Halloween and the Foot Patrol have already got their business faces on.

October 16, 2009

Snuggie Suit Up

By The Weatherhuman

They're making Snuggies for dogs now, but let's be honest the kind of people who want Snuggies are cat people. And I don't know who these people are that are going to use a snuggie to read in.

October 15, 2009

Beer-Fest

By The Weatherhuman

When mid-week exhaustion really starts to set it, I always wake up wanting a beer with breakfast. I feel like two more would really make my classes tolerable. One more and I could get in some library time, and another wo...

October 14, 2009

When It Rains It Pours

By The Weatherhuman

Yes, it’s raining. Yes, there is still class and yes, that blows. I struggle to think of anything I’d less rather do than sit in a wet seat, soaked to the toes, both shivering and panting and smelling like a ...

October 12, 2009

Oh, Danny…

By The Weatherhuman

Danny, if you're out there, please exercise more discretion when you decide who you go home with at night, lest you pick another screamer.

October 9, 2009

The End Is Near

By The Weatherhuman

Look around you; there are basically four kinds of people in the sick spectrum right now. There's the girl who's so afraid of catching something that she's popping vitamins like candy and who's so lathered up in antibact...