To Pass or Not to Pass

November 12, 2009 by

Heads up: Tomorrow’s the deadline to change your grading option from GPA devastator to win/lose. For the hangover impaired, that means this is the last chance to save your ass. I too have enjoye...
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There Goes My Wednesday

November 10, 2009 by

Perk up! No school tomorrow.
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Just Checking…

November 9, 2009 by

Hey guys, remember me? I was the 'human last year. We had some good times, didn't we? Obviously we went our separate ways, and of course you've found a new 'human to fulfill your snarky desires, but I...
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Fuck You, Parents. Fuck You.

November 6, 2009 by

Do you want the good news or the bad news? The bad news is that this weekend, our favorite mini non-city is going to be crawling with people who don't belong here and who make me very, very uncomforta...
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I Believe you Have My Stapler

November 4, 2009 by

When I woke up this morning, did I think there would be a conspiracy between my computer and my printer to make me late to class AND have to turn in incomplete work?
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Weather-Tool Lashes Out

November 3, 2009 by

A tool tirade is in order, but even the veil of anonymity would not be enough protection from the vicious passive aggressive backlash that would surely ensue.
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What a Rough Weekend

November 2, 2009 by

Sleeping in your car is one thing. Ruining your poorly constructed and quickly improvised costume is something you make peace with, and losing your friends comes with the territory. But throwing up in...
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No More Mr. Nice ‘Human

October 30, 2009 by

So, Halloween weekend is upon us, and I know who the Weatherhuman is going to haunt.
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The Witching Hour Begins

October 29, 2009 by

You know what starts tonight. I’m not going to lecture you; I’m in no position. As it is, my plan is to turn in my scantrons, throw on whatever hat I find in the back of the closet and get...
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The Key To Your 15 Minutes

October 28, 2009 by

Great news: The Weatherhuman found your keys! Weird, right? It’s like your 15 minutes of fame (sorry you had to waste it on this). I figure you may be reading this outside in the cold, using new...
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Sunny with a Chance of Crashing

October 27, 2009 by

Hey, while you were busy whining about how Where the Wild Things Are was your absolute most favorite childhood book ever and how the movie ruined it, your registration window for Winter opened, and cl...
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Destroyed Dreams and Awful Alcohol

October 26, 2009 by

This routine is getting old. Any time I have left over from pulling all-nighters, slaving away for next to nothing and napping to the soundtrack of chickens is spent drinking, yet my body still has no...
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“Taconomics” Proves Non-nom

October 23, 2009 by

Did you all read that "investigative journalism" piece aptly titled, "Taconomics" in our fellow paper the other day?
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To Sleep or Pass Midterms? That Is the Question…

October 22, 2009 by

Midterms have a way of sneaking up on me that makes me want to throw myself off the DP cliffs and land on a bicycle spoke.
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A Bad Moon Rising

October 21, 2009 by

If I didn’t catch the swine flu at the thrift store today, I must be superhuman. Against my better judgment, I tried on hats from a bin, old people shirts — old people smell included ̵...
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