When I woke up this morning, did I think there would be a conspiracy between my computer and my printer to make me late to class AND have to turn in incomplete work? Of course not. But it’s the sad reality, and now I can do nothing but daydream about kicking the shit out of both of them with a baseball bat, “Office Space” style. However, out of it came this little known fact: If you’re willing to be just a few minutes late to class, you reduce your risk of a bike crash by 98 percent. Given that by the time I got to class I was pretty much wishing some stupid pink bike would have just put me out of my misery.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: New Craigslist category: broken crap for you to destroy. No questions asked.