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The Limes vs. Birds Turf Wars Are Tearing This University Apart

Isla Vista, CA - According to several witnesses, the residents of the 67 block of DP are now split into two halves: those who are staunch Bird advocates and those who prefer Limes. A turf war has been...
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Dear Professors: Midterms Mean They Happen in the Middle of the Term Not Week Fucking Three

This past Wednesday, fourth-year global studies major Roger Rodgers was seen sobbing on the fourth floor of the library. When approached by a concerned fellow student, Roger just kept crying and was p...
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Dude, Where’s My Bird?

Earlier this morning, IVPD was informed of a robbery that occurred on the 67 block of Sabado Tarde Road. According to third-year pre-law student Garrett Jackson, he parked his Bird in his driveway lat...
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Rodney Raccoon To Run for A.S. President, A.S. Hopefuls Are Shook

It’s time raccoons get the representation they deserve.
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My Mom Reacts To My Articles

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
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How to Celebrate Not Turning 21: A Guide to Surviving Your 2 Lamest Birthdays

If you’re between the ages of 19 and 20, the excitement of your special day has long faded.
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Ole the Mascot Replaced By Nachos, Freebirds Rejoices

“Worry not, folks. Our new mascot is a plate of Freebirds Nachos.”
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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