Weather

February 28, 2002

R.I.P.

By Staff

Here lies the family of dead skunks off of Los Carneros. While your time was short, your smell will always be with us.

February 27, 2002

Open Door Policy

By Staff

For as long as I've lived in the weathercave, the weatherportal has been uppity. In cold weather it blows open; in warm weather it swells and warps, making it hard to close and impossible to lock.

February 26, 2002

Here Comes the Sun

By Staff

There is a mathematical equation that defines laundry output in Isla Vista. The more sun = less clothing worn.

February 22, 2002

Weather: Career Day

By Staff

There comes a time in one

February 21, 2002

Guinea Pig Heart

By Staff

The weatherpet has dark secrets.

February 20, 2002

Fortune Hunter

By Staff

There is buried treasure under Los Carneros. That is why road crews keep digging up sections of the street only to inexpertly patch the holes.

February 19, 2002

Golden Whining

By Staff

As I sat on my couch and knocked back another beer, I realized that I would never compete in the two-man luge.

February 15, 2002

Gratefully Guzzling

By Staff

I liken Valentine's Day to a pinkened skin rash. Cheesy candy, plastic flowers, pathetically hollow cards, bad commercials, a blinding overflow of pink and red, and way too much PDA (public displays of affection).

February 14, 2002

Weather Dating Game

By Staff

The weathermates have attributed the weatherpet's ill temper to lack of companionship. I have decided to wield my three inches of power to make a small mammal love connection and find him a special lady.

February 13, 2002

Join Us

By Staff

Apparently I am officer material.

February 12, 2002

Skidmarks and Chafing

By Staff

In terms of intensity, the life of a cabin counselor ranks up there with that of an inner-city repo man. I know. I spent the weekend chasing a rambunctious group of 12- and 13-year-old kids around camp.

February 11, 2002

Good Thing It’s Always Sunny

By Staff

Monday's Forecast: Try back tomorrow

February 8, 2002

To Lefty, For 79 Years of Loyal Service

By Staff

Winter Quarter is the shittiest poo to ever be shat upon God

February 7, 2002

Humiliating Comedians Is Repetitive

By Staff

So when Carrot Top suggested we go fuck ourselves, we relaxed, let him rant, and made sure the tape was rolling.

February 6, 2002

Random Acts of Sadism

By Staff

Labels rule people's lives. Case in point. A Nexus editor burning the midnight oil retreats to his office, secure that precious caffeine awaits.

February 5, 2002

Driving the Weatherhuman

By Staff

People react to the statement, "I don't drive" as if one were to say, "I am paralyzed down the left side of my body" or "I am unable to digest any food more complex than toast."