Labels rule people’s lives.

Case in point.

A Nexus editor burning the midnight oil retreats to his office, secure that precious caffeine awaits. He has gotten the last cup of decanter coffee before Nicoletti’s closed at 1 a.m. Minutes before, another Nexus staffer with nefarious intentions switched the labels, replacing the disgusting Hazelnut-Venetian-French-Almond-Vanilla-Roast with the label that reads “Nic’s Blend.” Instead of a 4 a.m. pick-me-up, the weary and weakened editor choked on reheated flavored-coffee sedimentation, and evil.

Wednesday’s Forecast: Next week, psychotropic drugs in the water fountain.