Weather

April 15, 2002

(No Weather Today)

By Staff

(No Weather Today)

April 15, 2002

Write Your Slogans in Lamb’s Blood

By Staff

The Powers That Be have taken steps to smite this year's A.S. campaign. Last week humidity melted the tempera paint until all the candidate names were identical blurs. On Monday, 30 mph gales transformed the flimsy pap...

April 12, 2002

The Candidate

By Staff

Some have doubted my ability to execute the duties of President, as I am a non-corporal entity. I touch nothing but myself, and my rantings in this ever-shrinking box are unfocused, self obsessed, and ineffectual.

April 11, 2002

Give ’em the Chair

By Staff

People make a fuss over what professor teaches which class, never realizing what makes one lecture okay and another torture: the chairs.

April 10, 2002

L.A. Story

By Staff

The weatherpet is suffering a midlife crisis. At three he is past his youth and has been reminded of his advancing age by a hernia and kidney stones.

April 9, 2002

Weatherticket 2002

By Staff

Its popularity contest season again. Associated Students candidates spent Sunday night littering campus with illegible campaign materials.

April 8, 2002

National Geographic

By Staff

I emerged from the weathercave Saturday evening to replenish my meteorological supplies and found myself immersed in a foreign land.

April 4, 2002

To Access the Daytime Menu, Press One

By Staff

The RBT menu has a new addition. "Press four to hear a frog croak," offers the monotone.

April 3, 2002

Parking Structure

By Staff

The combination of responsible attendance and new bikes, double U-locked with the promise that they will remain in their owners' possession, clog and clutter most of the lots.

April 2, 2002

Exhibitionists

By Staff

I went looking for a warm patch of sand in Mexico to wile away the Spring vacation and wound up one night in Papas 'n' Beer. I found myself staring, along with a sizable portion of the sizable crowd, at a handful of girl...

March 8, 2002

(No Ducks Were Actually Harmed)

By Staff

The ducks seem more nervous in I.V. These ducks seem to sense a preditorial threat.

March 7, 2002

Liquid Death From the Heavens

By Staff

It rained today, confusing many, and wetting everyone. Rain is mothernature's assassin.

March 6, 2002

Reunited

By Staff

Nothing like the occasional encounter with an old Res Hall neighbor to make one feel old and insensitive. People who were your best friends.

March 4, 2002

Pilot to Bombardier

By Staff

I have seen many pets accompany their owners on campus: dogs, cats, ferrets and the occasional iguana. All of these animals have one thing in common: They are easily tethered to one's wrist and have bowel control.

March 4, 2002

Weather: Political Tool

By Staff

Today you must do your patriotic duty and vote candidates into political offices you vaguely understand.

March 1, 2002

No Veggie Burgers

By Staff

Rich people have the best parties. Sometimes they need help, though, which is where we come in. This Saturday, the Daily Nexus is pleased to announce the first annual Billionaire Beach Blanket Babylon BBQ.