As I sat on my couch and knocked back another beer, I realized that I would never compete in the two-man luge.
Thursday’s Forecast: The Canadians got a medal for bitching – that I could win.
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Source: California Health
Human Services Agency
Command + F (find and replace)
Command + N (new window for your Wikipedia deep-dive)
Command + C (copy and paste life)
Command + W (close it down, simply don't look at it anymore)
Command + B (bold and beautiful)
Shift + Command + 4 (screenshot ... collect those receipts)
Command + X (cut it out)
Command + Z (undo AKA un-fuck)
Command + Delete (delete everything to the left of the cursor because you fucked up)
Command + Shift + N (open a new private window ... for no reason at all)
Command + K (hyperlink some sexy sources)
Command + P (print because you gotta print a lot if you cry a lot)