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Food Fights Show Immense Disrespect

March 30, 2009 by Michael Bates

I'm a De La Guerra Dining Commons employee, and my name is Michael Bates, better known as Dancing Pizza Guy or its many variations. Last quarter, I witnessed a food fight break out. I simply asked, wh...
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Old Friend Misses Roger Crona

March 30, 2009 by James Cassell

My name is James Cassell. I am sad to see that Roger Crona has died ("Roger Crona (Or Was it Jason von Straussenburg?) Dies at 62," Daily Nexus, Mar. 5). He was a good friend of mine from age 6 to age...
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Political Playground 2009

March 30, 2009 by Staff

Turds and Tulips

March 9, 2009 by Staff

Unrelenting, conniving turds to Steve Pappas for refusing to know when enough is enough. In life, there are winners and losers. Then there are assholes. Dirt poor, shriveled up turds to all of the uni...
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Things Not To Do When You’re Drunk

March 9, 2009 by The Weatherhuman

A word to the wise: If you're large, male and drunk, there are certain things you should and should not attempt.
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On Joblessness, Loneliness and Anxiousness

March 9, 2009 by Igor Hiller

Hello there, it’s me, Igor. This column is due Sunday morning, and it’s Saturday night, and I’ve been drinking because my editor Nicki Arnold told me to be more advice-y because peop...
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Oh Baby, Just One More Time

March 5, 2009 by Staff

It's been a long time and I really need to get some. I'm dying for some action! I need it two more times before we go off to Spring Break. I'm not embarrassed to admit it's been over three months sinc...
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Into the Desert

March 5, 2009 by Derek Mead

The U.S. as a whole, and California specifically, is so culturally blended that finding a singular identity for us is nigh impossible. However, as Sergio Leone's spaghetti westerns and the ridiculous ...
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GIANT PENIS

March 5, 2009 by The Weatherhuman

Did anyone else notice the blood bus by the arbor today? Not too unusual on its own, I know. But I did care for its juxtaposition next to the girl dressed up as a giant vagina across the way.
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Whisk Away to Quaint Solvang for a Break from I.V. Life

March 5, 2009 by Jimmy Fremgen

On Saturday I went back in time and across the world by traveling about 30 minutes into the hills to a little Danish village called Solvang. I was fascinated with the quaintness of a town styled after...
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Survive Your Sexual Drought

March 4, 2009 by Jenni Perez

It’s almost that time of year, Gauchos. The clouds part, the cerulean sky smiles and shirtless skateboarders run down campus pedestrians with a little extra rigor in their roll. Springtime is ne...
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Fro-Yo Honey Some Love

March 4, 2009 by The Weatherhuman

So fellas, it's past midnight on a random weekday, and you and your lady friend are jonesing for some delicious sweets. Maybe you've got the munchies... or the drunchies. I won't judge.
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Sasha Grey Speaks Out

March 4, 2009 by Staff

Editor’s Note: This letter was submitted to us by Sasha Grey, the porn star and soon-to-be lead actress in Steven Soderbergh’s newest film, “The Girlfriend Experience.” Having ...
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There’s a Science to Buy-ology

March 4, 2009 by Henrietta Forsyth

What made me grab coffee at Starbucks over Java Jones in I.V.? Why did I spend so much money on a top at Abercrombie & Fitch on State Street when exactly the same item was cheaper next door? What...
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Get to Know Your EOPs

March 4, 2009 by Nicolas Collier

Do you know what EOP is? Have you heard about one of the best programs on the UCSB campus? EOP stands for, “Educational Opportunity Program” and has been helping thousands of students maxi...
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