Opinion

January 7, 2009

Voluptuous Virtual Voyages

By Jenni Perez

I got laid this Winter Break. Trust me, this was to everyone’s advantage; all play and no lay makes Jenni a raging psycho. Last year, I stormed my hometown with a permanent stink-eye, obsessively reviewing the name...

January 7, 2009

I Can Has Student Fees?

By The Weatherhuman

Am I the only one who picked up a free notebook from A.S. today? By free, I of course mean something I unknowingly paid for months ago via my student fees.

January 6, 2009

Wacko Tobacco

By Alex Coffman

I’ve recently discovered one of the most wonderful, fun, uplifting, abused drugs around. No, it’s not cocaine. It’s not speed. It’s tobacco! This “recreational” drug is one of the most...

January 6, 2009

I’d Like to Get to Know You in a Meteorological Kind of Way

By The Weatherhuman

I'm so nervous. I have my first section today.

January 6, 2009

Self-Proclaimed Bromaster Gives Best Advice

By Keyvan S.

How many of you are trying to get laid every weekend? How many of you are trying to get laid every weekend, but failing miserably? And how many of you have an STD because you’re getting laid way too much? Here are ...

January 5, 2009

Pappas Won’t Back Down

By Staff

Steve Pappas has been busy. While you were sipping hot chocolate by the fire on your much-deserved break, Steve Pappas was meticulously recounting Isla Vista votes. While you were watching Ryan Seacrest and counting dow...

January 5, 2009

New Year’s Resolution

By The Weatherhuman

Happy New Year everyone! I don't know about y'all, but the 'human has a multi-phase resolution ready to go.

January 5, 2009

Voter Turnout Seems Suspect

By Ryan P. McNicholas

UCSB was one of the best campuses in the country in regard to registering students to vote. Also, we had the highest turnout on any college campus in the country. How do I know this? Because our school had a 100.2 percen...

December 4, 2008

Fox News

By Staff

Being on a liberal, pink-o commie campus all the time, sometimes I feel like I don't get enough propaganda from the other side. Thus, I occasionally frequent foxnews.com. It gives me my share of real, totally newsworthy ...

December 4, 2008

Turds and Tulips

By Staff

Correction added Puffy-chested, proud tulips to the firefighters who kept the Tea Fire from lighting all of Santa Barbara County on fire, and to the community members, groups and businesses who opened their arms to those...

December 4, 2008

Thief-Proof Your Pad Before Heading Home

By Mark Signa

Wow, the quarter's almost over already. It feels like it was the last day of summer break only a few weeks ago. Halloween came and went faster than a Friday night streaker on Del Playa. Now the holidays are here. Soon al...

December 4, 2008

Ailing Economy Aches for Long-Term Fix

By Steven Begakis

The news media has recently focused its attention on Barack Obama's choice of his previous arch nemesis, Hilary Clinton, for Secretary of State. While a significant cabinet pick, might I suggest that we direct our enthus...

December 1, 2008

A Holiday Poem

By Staff

So I don’t know about you, but the ‘human is still recovering from Thanksgiving lunch, dinner and subsequent leftovers dispersed throughout the weekend. Thusly, I think instead of being clever I’ll do s...

December 1, 2008

Give a Kiwi Some Love

By Dylan James

For those who have seen the movie “Love Actually,” Colin “God of Sex” LIVES. And he’s at UCSB! Well, not the real one, but mediocre replacements sure are! Yes indeedy, it’s the new yea...

December 1, 2008

Masturbation Doesn’t Always Bring Best Release

By Andrew Dunn

I’m glad Matthew Toyama (“Penis: Every Man’s First Love,” Daily Nexus, Nov. 24) wasn’t afraid to speak the truth about the insecurity many of us feel when learning of the sexual exploits of ...

December 1, 2008

Homeless People Deserve More Respect, Not Scorn

By Dana LaVertu

I can say that I’m truly disgusted toward the author of the opinion piece, “I.V. Bums: Leave Me Alone!” (Daily Nexus, Nov. 25). Firstly, to give someone a derogatory title like “bum” implies...