Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Lecture Survival Tips: How To Stay Awake in Class

April 22, 2016 by

Soon you’ll be fending off so many stress dreams that you won’t even want to fall asleep!
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Broke Students Say ‘F*$& $500 GA passes,’ Hold Libchella on Davidson Lawn

April 19, 2016 by

"I can’t event tell the difference between Libchella and the real thing when scrolling through my Instagram feed."
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Student Passes Arbor Unscathed, but at Great Cost

April 15, 2016 by

Yesterday a student reportedly made it through the Arbor without a single organization trying to persuade him towards their cause. Yet, while this may appear to be every Gaucho's dream, it was this s...
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An Open Letter from a Struggling Bio Student

April 14, 2016 by

No matter how many times I mention the acronyms MCDB or EEMB, people don’t understand.
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Incoming Freshman Outbreak Threatens To Overrun UCSB

April 12, 2016 by

Hordes of high school seniors swarmed campus following the release of a virus known as "letters of admission."
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5 Movies That Need To Be Made

April 11, 2016 by

Every year, it seems like the same movies are released over and over again just under different names. Here are my suggestions that I think would mix things up a bit...
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12 Romantic Dates on an Isla Vista Budget

April 9, 2016 by

This weekend, treat your special someone to something special while only exerting minimal effort!
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Keeping Your Frat Meter Filled at the Homestead

April 6, 2016 by

Your OG residence may feel like being in a jail cell on a dry campus, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get lit.
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IVFP to Ramp Up Security at Deltopia

April 1, 2016 by

When news broke that horse-mounted police would not be used at this year's Deltopia festivities, it was met with excitement from local students. However, this apparent détente may be short-lived...
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What Kind of Roommate Are You?

March 30, 2016 by

Spring Quarter's here and it’s time to ask a few of the important questions: Can I take less units and still (kinda) graduate on time? Is Gaucho Ball exercise? And, what kind of roommate am I?
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Dangerous New Drinking Game Uncovered in IV

March 18, 2016 by

On March 17, 2016, Santa Barbara Police and Fire responded to a number of 911 calls on the 67 block of Del Playa. As a result of one such call, an unnamed student was transferred to Cottage Hospital a...
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Thoughts We Have During Finals Week

March 15, 2016 by

It’s finally finals week and let’s be real, you’re just one Top Ramen meal away from internal combustion. You’re faced with final papers and studying you should've started a week ago, your min...
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Dementor Invasion Results in Unusual I.V. Weather

March 11, 2016 by

Rain, fog and evil spirits bring a new meaning to Dead Week.
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Essential New Vocab for Staying Fresh with the Youths

March 9, 2016 by

Bae is hella af when you're fleeking in the trap!1!
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The Official Drunchies Drunkenness Scale

March 4, 2016 by

The only reason you remember getting Freebs is because you saw your nachos again the next morning.
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