For many Gauchos, Deltopia, UC Santa Barbara’s biggest dayge, is the height of the coupling season. Out in the sunlight, all is laid bare for God and Yang to see, leading to many tender moments thro...
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Another great Deltopia weekend has come and gone in the sunny streets of Isla Vista. Students poured out this past weekend for the event, bikini-clad for their treks across Del Playa. As early as 4:20...
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Rounding out the final session of pass times, many fourth-years found themselves, for once, at ease. Finally, the first group to get their greedy little hands on classes, mostly everyone was satisfied...
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Despite previous understanding that the only cool way to ride a skateboard is, you know, the normal way by using your leg to push, a new study finds that there might be a much cooler way. Students hav...
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While UC Santa Barbara students waste their time doing coke off of collapsing beachfront porches, their parents are worried sick. Reliable news sources, only made available on Facebook, have found tha...
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For yet another year, college students are haunted by the ghost of middle school past. When opening gifts on Christmas morning, one can only dream of receiving the trendy Tiffany lamp or Pedro Pascal ...
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Isla Vista’s colder months have arrived and the intense weather has caused great harm to men under 5 feet 6 inches tall. Winds reaching above 20 mph have caught these young men by their basketball s...
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Dick Thucker was horrified when he woke up the day after the presidential election. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he was shocked to see a huge pregnant belly blocking his feet from view instead of his usua...
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“Hey! Yeah, you! You look pretty tired, do you maybe want to take a seat?”
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In honor of Hispanic Heritage month, UC Santa Barbara has announced that they will pick a new mascot to replace the Gaucho — one that offends a different minority.
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Welcome back, Gauchos! As hordes of students return to their beloved party by the sea, Isla Vista is beginning to fill with the familiar ring of people screaming outside at 2 in the morning. Upon retu...
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“It’s not the same without him,” said Donald “Joker” Trump, following the loss of his rival, Joe Batman.
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The University of California Board of Rejects has long been subject to protests surrounding their project to build a telescope on Mauna Kea, a land that is sacred both culturally and environmentally t...
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This past Thursday, UC Santa Barbara had a very exciting guest speaker, a real gem within the drilling community. After leasing mineral rights to oil companies on his ranch, RuPaul became a notable ...
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Ends on ‘good terms’ but is blocked on Instagram
Slow fade
Ghosting them on a random Monday
“It’s not you, it’s me”
Drunk Uber “we need to talk” voice memo
Presents a notes app pros and cons list
Asks to still be friends
Drops their stuff off, never speaks to them again
Texts “this isn’t working” then posts from another country
“It’s not me, it’s you”
Tells them they need to focus on Econ 10A
Delivers a hand-written letter to their mom
