Faith Talamantez / Daily Nexus

Despite previous understanding that the only cool way to ride a skateboard is, you know, the normal way by using your leg to push, a new study finds that there might be a much cooler way. Students have gained a huge increase in popularity after riding the new, hip, electric skateboards. 

“Nobody can actually tell that you are using the remote to drive. I subtly keep my hand in my pocket so nobody can tell that I never actually have to push,” third-year mechanical engineering major Ash Hole said. “The only way you can tell it’s electric is because I’m going 75 mph down Pardall.”

Unlike regular skateboards, which sometimes cause dangerous accidents for riders, these new electric versions regularly cause dangerous accidents for riders. Given that you are never supposed to wear helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, lest you risk looking uncool, it is considered more fun to ride the faster electric skateboards compared to the boring, old, slow ones. It also gets you to class much faster than an analog skateboard, making you a hazard to not only yourself but also others. Surely, the skateboard lanes were made to have highway speed traffic, especially during rush hour.

“My girlfriend and I riding around together has gotten us nothing but compliments regarding our undying love for each other,” second-year Sam Pollock said, with his arms wrapped around his girlfriend. “We’ve only gotten severely injured, like, seven times this quarter.”

Students like Pollock are known across campus for their lovely rides weaving through crowds of students and well-loved by their communities for causing a general nuisance. However, many people regard these couples as cooler than any regular couple because they grind on each other in public. 

If you still ride a boring, old, regular skateboard, you suck. Quickly switch to the new electric versions, and you will instantly become much cooler than you thought you could ever be. 

 

Fart Tent hates electric vehicles of all kinds, and the environment.

Print