For yet another year, college students are haunted by the ghost of middle school past. When opening gifts on Christmas morning, one can only dream of receiving the trendy Tiffany lamp or Pedro Pascal wrapped under the tree. For many, the reality is gifts centered around interests from years ago — back when you still went with your mom to the mall. 

“Listen, I loved Harry Potter as a kid,” first-year Renee Jackson said. “But … it’s been years, and J.K. Rowling is a fucking freak now. All I wanted was a game for my Switch. Maybe next year!”

Many students were unsurprised yet still disappointed when they opened their gifts to the same old same old. Watching rich kid hauls online then made it all the more frustrating. Camila Perez, a second-year psychological & brain sciences major, found herself comparing her pile of “The Walking Dead” merch to the huge hauls of skincare, gift cards, clothes, shoes, cars and more. 

“Oh, you got a fucking $200 gift card to Sephora in your stocking?” she commented on a video. “Well, fuck you!” 

Even though it may seem that these kids are ungrateful, it’s more a feeling of isolation. It’s hard to watch your friends return to school with fresh new outfits when all you have is another pair of Disney earrings. Even more so, it’s embarrassing to come back to your apartment and watch your roommates set up all their new stuff. When did everyone else find the time to explain to their parents that no, they don’t like Marvel quite the same anymore and would much prefer to find an air fryer or a new Keurig under the tree? 

Christmas magic just hasn’t quite hit the same level for kids that have their parents blocked on social media. Although it hurts, it’s definitely better than nothing … right, guys? 

Fart Tent is NOT writing from experience and got a lot of nice Snoopy merch.