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How To Get a Spring Break Body

But fear not! We have the perfect answer to the burning question plaguing the millennial generation.
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Rec Cen Opens up Recreational Drug Use Room

“Wait, they don’t already have this?” said second-year English major James Thompson. “Then, yeah … I’m totally stoked!”
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Raccoon Trash Lord Grows Stronger Every Time You Litter

Juniper’s origin is unknown, but what is known is that he controls the greater Isla Vista area through his networks of trash.
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Chancellor Yang Washed Away by Floods

It would appear that he first got caught in the flood around Storke Tower and has since been seen floating down Del Playa, holding on to a rogue surfboard.
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22 Last Minute Ways to Raise Your Grade

Do not sleep. At all. It slows down the brain and prevents further learning.
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Professor Only Curses To Impress Freshmen

Students have claimed that his casual F-bombs and “shits” don't make his second-rate retelling of elementary school history any more interesting.
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Obama Barricades Self in Oval Office, Refuses to Let 45th President In

Shortly after meeting with President-elect Donald Trump and participating in a civil photo-op, a composed Obama immediately kicked everyone out, grabbed a pint of Cherry Garcia and then locked the doo...
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Marijuana Legalization Used as Coping Mechanism for Californians Under Trump Presidency

ISLA VISTA, CA - Amidst the dark clouds surrounding election night, a cloud of a different type began to rise above the nerve-wracked streets of I.V.
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QUIZ: When Will You Peak?

After you hit that point, it’s pretty much all downhill from there. Take this incredibly important and accurate test to figure out the trajectory of your life so you can plan accordingly.
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Beating Festival FOMO: 8 New Events Selling Overpriced Day Passes

For those of you who missed Coachella, you may have experienced a bout of FOMO, or the “fear of missing out.”
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How to Speak UCSB in 6 Easy Steps

When you go to the library, tell your friends you’re, “going to the lib.” If you want to initiate a fist bump, yell, “fist me, bro!”
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Freshman Returns Home for Summer, Is Terrible

Thanks to three quarters of undergrad, Nelson claims to have learned much on topics ranging from plate tectonics and statistics to Jägermeister, marijuana and having sex all the time.
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To Taste Portola: A Flavorscape

This week in the review that no one asked for, I will be analyzing the flavorscape of UCSB’s infamous dining common, Portola.
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Student Passes Arbor Unscathed, but at Great Cost

Yesterday a student reportedly made it through the Arbor without a single organization trying to persuade him towards their cause. Yet, while this may appear to be every Gaucho's dream, it was this s...
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