Weather

Neighborhood Watch

May 15, 2001 by

As I returned home from the Weatherdesk last night, the lights from the Weathermobile lit up a parked car on the street. Inside, I could see a bare-breasted blonde girl in the back seat.
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Dear Weathermother

May 14, 2001 by

In honor of Mother's Day, I have prepared a poem for the Weathermother.
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It’s Only Nine More Minutes …

May 11, 2001 by

In my freshman psych class I read about experiments that rewarded pigeons with a special treat for tapping a lever.Those scientists were silly.
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Cellular Schitzos

May 10, 2001 by

Schizophrenia is almost as good as a foreign accent in my book.
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There S/he is … Miss/ter I.V.

May 9, 2001 by

A bunch of little skinny girls with fake tans and big boobs will be at I.V. Theater today at 6:30 p.m. for the biggest day of their lives. That's right, Theta Chi is holding the first ever Miss Isla V...
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Turtle Tests

May 8, 2001 by

Lecture hall "desks" are the perfect size for one thing.No, not an exam. Not a scantron. Either would make absolutely no sense.
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Fight (for a seat) Night

May 7, 2001 by

Two heads are better than one ... but not if those heads are meatheads.
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May 4, 2001 by

Everyone tells me how amazing Cinco de Mayo downtown is going to be ... I know the truth.
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NNNN-TSSSS

May 3, 2001 by

I was studying at the library yesterday when a delightful young man asked if he could sit at my table. Not feeling particularly threatened, I said yes. He sat down and unpacked his backpack, carefully...
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Lunchtime Lockdown

May 1, 2001 by

I have observed UCSB departmental offices for four years. As a public service, I will now print the secretive campuswide schedule for these offices.
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Dysfunctional Weatherfamily

April 30, 2001 by

I spent the last few days with the extended Weatherfamily. As you might have imagined, Weatherfamily gatherings are a little "different." Over the course of five days, I ...
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Snot Rockets

April 27, 2001 by

I often paw at the warm rivers of gooiness streaming into my mouth, wondering how much snot the Weathersnout can purge in 50 minutes.
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‘Cuz 60 Ain’t Bad

April 27, 2001 by

But really, who is going to elect a candidate who is neither here nor there, nor anywhere except in the three-and-a-half inches at the bottom of Page 2?Sixty people, that's who.
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Weatherstealth

April 25, 2001 by

For the past two nights, the Weatherposse and I have executed stealth missions (photos coming soon to the Nexus website) to erect my A.S. popularity contest signs all over campus.
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I’m the Coolest Kid in School

April 24, 2001 by

All those other assheads running for A.S. president are apparently trying to turn this school-wide popularity contest into some kind of political election.
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