A bunch of little skinny girls with fake tans and big boobs will be at I.V. Theater today at 6:30 p.m. for the biggest day of their lives. That’s right, Theta Chi is holding the first ever Miss Isla Vista Pageant.

Not to be outdone, your faithful Weatherhuman is proud to announce the biggest day of your lives. That’s right, I’m holding the first ever Miss/ter Isla Vista Weatherpageant. Here are the rules:

Submit a humorous personal statement to the Nexus office (or to my weatheraddress) making fun of beautiful people. Attach a picture of the ugliest person you can find (not you … or me), along with your last name and phone number, and do not reveal your gender.

Winners will be judged on congeniality, talent, wit, and the ability to make me laugh.

Grand Prize: Your real picture (optional), name and statement featured in the Weather, and the official Weathercrown.

2nd Place & 3rd prizes: Smaller crowns.

Wednesday’s forecast: Good luck, and just remember … you are all beautiful.