Weather

May 21, 2001

Happy birthday Mr. T!

By Staff

Yes, Mr. T turns 49 years old today.

May 18, 2001

The Meatheads Are Restless

By Staff

My, my, my ... the meatheads are trying to revive UCSB football. What a great idea. Football died here in the early '90s. Why?

May 17, 2001

Ding!

By Staff

The bus scares me. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could easily wind up making a 45-minute commitment to State Street.

May 16, 2001

Boozin’

By Staff

Fat people can drink a lot.I'm not basing this argument on simple logic, or even the cruel stereotypes surrounding those drunken porkchops wearing mu-mu's at the Orchid Bowl.

May 15, 2001

Neighborhood Watch

By Staff

As I returned home from the Weatherdesk last night, the lights from the Weathermobile lit up a parked car on the street. Inside, I could see a bare-breasted blonde girl in the back seat.

May 14, 2001

Dear Weathermother

By Staff

In honor of Mother's Day, I have prepared a poem for the Weathermother.

May 11, 2001

It’s Only Nine More Minutes …

By Staff

In my freshman psych class I read about experiments that rewarded pigeons with a special treat for tapping a lever.Those scientists were silly.

May 10, 2001

Cellular Schitzos

By Staff

Schizophrenia is almost as good as a foreign accent in my book.

May 9, 2001

There S/he is … Miss/ter I.V.

By Staff

A bunch of little skinny girls with fake tans and big boobs will be at I.V. Theater today at 6:30 p.m. for the biggest day of their lives. That's right, Theta Chi is holding the first ever Miss Isla Vista Pageant.

May 8, 2001

Turtle Tests

By Staff

Lecture hall "desks" are the perfect size for one thing.No, not an exam. Not a scantron. Either would make absolutely no sense.

May 7, 2001

Fight (for a seat) Night

By Staff

Two heads are better than one ... but not if those heads are meatheads.

May 4, 2001

By Staff

Everyone tells me how amazing Cinco de Mayo downtown is going to be ... I know the truth.

May 3, 2001

NNNN-TSSSS

By Staff

I was studying at the library yesterday when a delightful young man asked if he could sit at my table. Not feeling particularly threatened, I said yes. He sat down and unpacked his backpack, carefully laying its contents...

May 1, 2001

Lunchtime Lockdown

By Staff

I have observed UCSB departmental offices for four years. As a public service, I will now print the secretive campuswide schedule for these offices.

April 30, 2001

Dysfunctional Weatherfamily

By Staff

I spent the last few days with the extended Weatherfamily. As you might have imagined, Weatherfamily gatherings are a little "different." Over the course of five days, I ...

April 27, 2001