Fat people can drink a lot.

I’m not basing this argument on simple logic, or even the cruel stereotypes surrounding those drunken porkchops wearing mu-mu’s at the Orchid Bowl.

I got my hands on a “Blood Alcohol Educator” CD-ROM, courtesy of the Sheriff’s Dept.

The game asks you to pick a gender and weight, and then lets you go to town on a full virtual-bar. You control how fast you drink, and the game shows you how your blood alcohol content changes.

Naturally, I chose to take some heifers out for a few drinks. Here are a few of the highlights:

A 400-lb. man (I call him Chachi) drank 36 beers in 17 minutes before slipping into a coma.

A 400-lb. female (I call her Mona) drank 27 air-line miniatures in 13 minutes before flatlining.

Thanks for a great night, Sheriff Thomas.

Wednesday’s forecast: It’s all fun and games (for 17 minutes) until Chachi slips into another coma.