Weather

January 28, 2003

All in the Family

By system

Against all probability, my anthro professor said something interesting today:"You are the product of an evolutionary line of organisms that, over the course of three and a half billion years, has never once failed to re...

January 27, 2003

“I Know Now Why You Cry”

By system

Did anyone else catch the pre-Superbowl show where Arnold introduced himself and half of the Raiders as a new race of Terminator machines?This is the same man who wrote a daycare bill for the last election. He plans to r...

January 24, 2003

Where Did I Leave That?

By system

With midterms beginning and the first paper assignments of the quarter due, cleaning is not high on the list of priorities amongst the weathercavemates.

January 23, 2003

Tannenbaum, But Not Forgotten

By system

There's a preponderence of dry, discarded Christmas tree corpses all along the sidewalks of Pasado. What's a prank-loving weatherhuman to do? It's the Evergreen Ding-Dong ditch.

January 22, 2003

The Most Unkindest Cut of All

By system

The weathercavemates have taken to loaning out important dishes. Slowly but surely, the entire nonedible contents of our kitchen are disappearing.

January 21, 2003

I’m Busy Saturday… I’m Busy a Lot.

By system

I hate cell phones. I'm not talking about how they ring in the middle of an exam or how they play horrifying renditions of "Scotland the Brave." I'm talking about the automatic redial function.

January 17, 2003

Weekend

By system

If you're reading this, you missed out on the chance for a four-day weekend. But instead you're in class right now or studying in the UCEN. Way to screw it up for the rest of us.

January 16, 2003

Hell on Wheels

By system

My bicycle has turned against me. It's a simple collection of moving parts so basic that even I understand how it works. But no matter how many bolts I tighten, no matter how many times I fix the fix the brakes, patch th...

January 15, 2003

Knick-Knack, Paddy-Whack

By system

The other day I came home from a hard afternoon of shopping for Thor's Tip-Top Thunderbolts and Ten-Trailer Tornados only to find that the weather cavemate had carelessly left out some cream-filled cookies.

January 14, 2003

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood…

By system

I went up on my roof for the first time the other day and it just so happens that I have a perfect view of the neighbor's yard.

January 13, 2003

Good Grub

By Staff

When Columbus sailed in the 1400's (and yes, I know he didn't discover shit...), he and his crew took to eating meals at night around halfway through the voyage.

January 9, 2003

Readin’, Writin’, ‘Rithmatic

By Staff

I have a bone to pick with the quarter system. Depending on the courses I take, I probably have somewhere between 100 and 300 pages of reading to do per week, per class.

January 9, 2003

Pushing the Envelope

By Staff

Postage goes up because of people like me. I only buy stamps out of absolute necessity, and I refuse to purchase an entire book of them for any reason.

January 8, 2003

Ethics for Sale

By Staff

I bought the reader for my ethics course today for $90. It's nonrefundable. I can't sell it back. And when I balance my checkbook, I'll probably find I can't eat either.

January 6, 2003

Postcards from the Edge

By Staff

The Central Valley is a strange place. It is that neverland of California that never appears in Hollywood movies, unless of course it can be disguised as the Sahara Desert or an obscure feature on the landscape of Hell.

January 6, 2003

No Money Down, No Interest For One Week

By Staff

This week, 20,000 students return to empty cupboards and new classes. This means an all-around run on any local stores that stock textbooks or Top Ramen.