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Sex Is Around the Corner

Life without sex: Sometimes you chose it; sometimes it chooses you. Being abstinent by decision is fulfilling. Being abstinent by default can make a girl crazy. Calm down, I'm going to help. I have s...
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Guns’N’Water

Those crazy Nexus kids are everywhere toting water guns. They think they can threaten the human with their silly water dispensing machines, but wait till the ‘human unloads a record downpour on ...
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Death’s Scythe Has Lost Its Potent Blade

I asked Karina if she feared death. She shook her head and told me she didn't. I wiped my nose, then the whole world washed in around us. I'll never forget that evening - or early morning I guess you'...
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Trivial Weathergenitals

The ‘human’s head hurts. This goddamn correction is cramping the ‘human’s style. And its head. Tuesday’s forecast: Speaking of cramps, the ‘human’s … sh...
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Hasta la Vista Arnold

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger paid UCSB one of his signature stealth visits in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Touting a new bond initiative as part of his reelection campaign, Schwarzenegger and his ...
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Confront Your Complicity

Thursday was UCSB's annual Take Back the Night rally. For those who might not know, TBTN is an awareness and protest march that happens on college and university campuses all over the country. The aim...
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Student Displays Ignorance Toward Immigrants’ Rights

oshua Freeman's recent opinion piece, "Arrive Legally In Order to Receive Rights," Daily Nexus, May 8), shows us that discrimination facing poor, mostly Latino immigrants is incredibly deep and comple...
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Professional Dance Company Plies Short of Expectations

Stephanie Cain's review of the Paul Taylor Dance Company ("Modern Master: Campbell Hall Performance Solidifies Taylor as One of the Greats," Daily Nexus, May 4) praised the dance company too highly.
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Stop Racial Ignorance

On Saturday, April 29, the words "Fuck Niggers" were written on the female bathroom on the black studies hall in the Santa Rosa Residence Hall. This event occurred while most of the African Americans ...
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Damaged Goods

The ‘human is pretty sure that it destroyed the weatherliver this weekend. Monday’s forecast: If any unisexual weathercretaures out there have some spare, healthy body parts, the ‘hu...
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Arrive legally In Order to Receive Rights

I was walking down from Tropicana Gardens towards Pardall Road. I pulled out my cell phone to call my mom. It was a typical scene, nothing too special. The conversation started out with the mundane th...
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Savor This Paradise

In 40-some odd drunken days from now, myself and many other graduating seniors will see our irresponsibility-laden world come crashing down in front of us. And I'm scared. This little utopia possesses...
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Bye, Bye, ‘Human

If you know the ‘human, say goodbye. Because between Cinqo de Mayo and ASVT, there’s no way in hell the ‘human makes it through this weekend. Friday’s forecast: Fuck Friday, th...
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Do Not Dump Blame on Recycling

As the program coordinator of Associated Students Recycling Program, I felt obligated to rebut Colin Marshall's misinformed opinion of our national recycling establishment ("We Must Find a Way to Redu...
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Do I Have to?

Why do professors even assign midterms during spring quarter? Thursday’s forecast: Academics are gradually becoming an unnecessary detriment to the ‘human’s bid to be drunk every nig...
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