Opinion

January 12, 2006

Suspension of Discharged Relief

By system

The only thing I miss about high school is the suspensions. Remember how exciting it was when you or somebody you knew was suspended for the day and the whole school was ablaze in gossip.

January 12, 2006

Boars Abhor the Arbor

By Nick Pasto

I use Yahoo! for my e-mail, which means messages that are identified by the system as "spam" are automatically ignored and placed into a bulk e-mail folder. I had assumed that this folder was full of useless scam e-mails...

January 12, 2006

Gift Exchange Forges Societal Black Hole

By Colin Marshall

The bulk of you have spent the past few weeks vegetating at the parents' place, enjoying late December's reprieve from busywork and dead-end employment while wedging in a few holidays as well. Kwanzaa, Festivus and the l...

January 11, 2006

Sexually Transmitted Fleas

By Nina Anthony

The holidays are neat, but there was one thing I noticed this season that I never took note of before. Screaming. Everywhere. Hundreds of children screaming and crying everywhere I went.

January 11, 2006

I Can’t Get no Satis-Quack-tion

By system

Some people come to the weatherhuman seeking life advice. My advice to them is seek another life.

January 11, 2006

The Straw That Broke the Elephant’s Back

By Heather Buchheim

By most accounts, 2005 was a tough year. In the political realm, it was particularly inauspicious for Republican leadership. Here in California, voters flatly rejected Governor Arnold $50 million waste of a special elect...

January 10, 2006

Arrested Malevolent

By Jeff Gibson

All of us have committed the act at some point or another in our short and crooked lives. Whether you take a drag off of the blunt facts or you decide to pass the torch to the left, everyone reading this has to admit the...

January 10, 2006

Hi!Burnation

By system

The weatherhuman forgot to welcome everybody back to winter quarter yesterday, simply stunning considering it is the 'human's favorite quarter.

January 10, 2006

UCen Bookstore Undercuts Itself

By Bri Lafond

You know what really grinds my gears? The UCSB Bookstore. Admittedly, this particular admission is not a revelation. It seems that anyone with the barest semblance of a soul that has had any sort of dealing with the Book...

January 9, 2006

Congress Misreads the Green

By Matt Cappiello

When reading the newspaper, it's hard to read between the lines. Articles are written from the "objective," story-specific perspective of the journalist, often without mention to their context or larger repercussions.

January 9, 2006

Winter Brakes

By system

Word has it that the weatherhuman's biggest rival, Al Roker, has proposed a sitcom to the network CBS entitled "Al in the Family." Tousche, Al Roker. Tousche.

January 9, 2006

ProjectHERE Offers Relief in a Tote Bag

By Joshua To

It has only been a few months since Hurricane Katrina hit our nation, but the focus on the need for aid and support has diminished with each passing day. We mustn't forget the victims who once lived in the affected regio...

January 1, 2006

Ball-Handlers Wanted

By Nina Anthony

I have come to a conclusion: Balls must be the loneliest parts of the male reproductive system. Perhaps we could argue that it's the prostate, but I don't agree for one second. Balls are always there, hanging, begging fo...

January 1, 2006

Ugly(ier) Duckling

By system

The 'human never really realized that in the Nexus office there is a giant shark hanging from the ceiling, aiming its vicious rage at a duck hanging from the noose.

January 1, 2006

Landlords Beware, Tenants Unite

By Kelly Burns

In our beloved Isla Vista, everyone has a story about their landlord. It is a part of I.V. culture to compete over who has the worst story - how long it took to get a repair, how much you are paying for parking at your o...

December 1, 2005

Protestors Inspire UCSB Undergrad

By Elizabeth Moore

If you're like me, you spent this past Thanksgiving Break trying to forget about school, pretending that finals aren't around the corner, and simply enjoying time with family and friends you don't see too often. That's w...