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Please, Love America!

September 24, 2006 by

Welcome to America, circa 2006. "Men" now wear girl pants and perfume. Paris Hilton is considered a national treasure for her brilliant work in ... House of Wax? Activists are still chanting "Bush lie...
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Babies of the

September 24, 2006 by

Pasty, hairy thighs - a nauseating concoction that should never have to be imagined, let alone witnessed. Unfortunately, pasty, hairy thighs are appearing in waves at our beaches and pools, tarnishing...
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Article on Dorm Downloads Is Irresponsible

September 24, 2006 by

As the manager of Residential Network Services here at UCSB, I am responsible for the ResNet service.
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Dude, What Are You On?

September 24, 2006 by

In all irony, I never knew my best friend until this summer.
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Beware of Sketchy Roommates

September 24, 2006 by

Now that you're all settled in, what do you think of your new roommate - roommates for the unlucky triples? He seems cool, right? Doesn't get in your face, has good hygiene, and seems to share some of...
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Welcome to UCSB! Now How About Writing Us An Opinion Column, Smarty-Pants?

August 30, 2006 by

We need to have a serious talk, and no, it can't wait until after you're done reading the sex column in the bathroom. So, please, put that thing away.
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Weather

August 30, 2006 by

YAAAWN *Smacks Lips* What the? Who the hell are you?
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He Said, She Said: Car Vs. No Car

August 30, 2006 by

It's likely that incoming freshmen reading this have many questions about UCSB. How do I get to my classes? Will I get laid on the first night? Should I bring my car to school?
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He Said, She Said: Car Vs. No Car

August 30, 2006 by

Sit down, my child. It's time we had a talk about your popularity.
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Hey, Gauchos, Um, Wanna Do It?

August 30, 2006 by

No more lying to your parents about where you spent Friday night. No more switching back clocks to extend curfews. No more mandatory class before eight.
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Forget About Flavor and Follow Booze Clues

August 30, 2006 by

See if you can find what's wrong with this picture: Twenty people are crowded inside a small, black-lit room with Paris Hilton's newest single bumping on an iBook's meager speaker system.
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Get Neighborly in I.V.

June 28, 2006 by

After much experience, I have come to the conclusion that hooking up with your neighbors, or at least with some new blood, is vital to the fresh-start feeling of summer in I.V.
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Summer At Home Pales in Comparison to I.V. Living

June 28, 2006 by

As much as I love them, summers are a horrible idea. They break routine so much so that sometimes I forget how to write when I come back to school.
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Clever Fox News Sneaks Its Way Into Hen House of Trust

June 28, 2006 by

Fox News is far from trustworthy as I see it. It is an open espousal of right-wing politics, which threatens accuracy, credibility and historical understandings of current events.
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Summer School Student Copes With Divorce From Vacation

June 28, 2006 by

In many ways, expecting students to endure classes in the summer, or asking a child to remain happy after a painful divorce, is tantamount to forcing a crack addict to quit crack cold turkey.
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