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Nexustential Crisis: How to Beer Die Bro

An exclusive look into the secret life of beer die bros from the genius journalists of Nexustentialism!
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AFSCME Begins Strike, Draws Over 200 Supporters at UCSB

Workers from all 10 UC campuses plan to strike from May 7 to May 9. Participants on UCSB’s campus will strike from 5 a.m. to 5 p.m. during these days.
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Roommate Poops So Fast It’s Intimidating

Who the fuck does she think she is?
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I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.
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Phishing Scams Target UCSB and SB Residents

Phishing schemes strike again at unsuspecting UCSB students.
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Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

Really impressed!
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Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
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All Final Exams Canceled Due to Power Outage

UCSB officials have announced that all finals are to be canceled due to ongoing power and air quality concerns caused by the Thomas fire.
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New Pardall Stoplight Causes Students to Lose God Complex

Three weeks into the school year and the controversial decision to install a traffic light on Pardall has seemed to pay off.
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DP Nightlife Guide for Freshmen

Welcome freshmen! First things first: We are not friends. But from the goodness of my heart, I found it within myself to give you this nightlife guide.
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Tinder Name Ideas for UCSB Cyclists

A double-entendre homage to UCSB’s two main activities: dating and cycling.
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Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.
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UCSB Pro-Nazi Meninists Feel Oppressed by Campus Liberals

After the inauguration of President Donald Trump, UCSB pro-Nazi meninists claim to have been targeted by on-campus anti-Trump and anti-racism protests.
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6 Trends That Need To Make a Comeback in 2017

2017 is the year we stop normalizing unrealistic stereotypical roles for minors so we can diversify our content and profit off of more child stars.
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Which Subtweet Should You Tweet Next?

What fun is the internet if you can’t talk shit? Don’t worry, these subtweets have your back.
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