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Big Anniversary, Small World

May 9, 2005 by

Disneyland is celebrating its 50th anniversary. How, I wonder? Parades? Fireworks? Costumed characters? Launching missiles at those commie Knott
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What’s in a Name?

May 6, 2005 by

Today is Tony Charles Lynton Blair's birthday. Today is also the birthday of the person who edits this page. There is a story about Tony Charles Lynton Blair on this page today.
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Look Out Behind You

May 5, 2005 by

I was stuck in traffic today because someone drove the wrong way on the 101, and it reminded me of another dumbass from my high school.
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Moooove to Merced

May 4, 2005 by

Drat, I missed Bobcat Day! UC Merced had an open house recently for students who hadn't already decided to not attend next year. I used to live in the Central Valley, and people like to mock it by say...
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Thar Be Sea Dragons

May 3, 2005 by

As far as I know, there is no UCSB lagoon monster, and that makes me sad. Loch Ness has its monster. Tahoe has Tessie. Even some Canadian lake has "Ogopogo."
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Blue Balls, Frostbite Style

May 2, 2005 by

Most of you are probably glad it doesn't snow here, but just think of the snow phalluses you could be building! Two guys in Wyoming were cited for building an obscene snow sculpture in their front yar...
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Halfway There

April 29, 2005 by

I JUST 2K TEH LAST MIDTERMS OF MY UCSB CAERAR!!!! NOW I CAN TURN OF MAH BRANE AND KIK BAK!11!1!! Wait... the quarter's only half over. FCUK IT!1111 OMG WTF
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This Sucks

April 28, 2005 by

A friend gave me the worst gift recently. It's a My Little Pony with a lollipop attached to its head. When you press a button, the pony's head and the lollipop spin like they're possessed by Satan (wh...
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Sex by the Books

April 27, 2005 by

Hey, check out the "Best of" section in today's paper. Once again, the Davidson Library was voted the best place to have sex on campus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wins every year.
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It Could Be Bloodier

April 26, 2005 by

I was having a bit of a crummy day, but then the weathermom called and put things in perspective: One of the weatheruncles accidentally sawed off two of his fingers.
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SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

April 25, 2005 by

SNGA IS 2 A CRAPY ALBUM AND U DO NT NO WAT UR TALKIN ABOUT. SIMPUL PLAN IS 4 LOOSERS. THANX 4 WRITING.
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Please Don’t

April 22, 2005 by

The other day I saw a car with a sign on the windshield that read, "Please don't take me." I guess this makes sense... after all, what sort of thief wouldn't be moved by the word "please"?
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Required Reading

April 21, 2005 by

Today's the last day to vote for me for A.S. president. I'm not a betting 'human (I forecast instead), but I wager that the winner will be: the signs.
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Please Don’t

April 20, 2005 by

It's 4/20, and the government just replaced the single grain-heavy food pyramid we grew up with 12 different ones to reflect your sex, lifestyle, age, tax filing status, etc.
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Vote for the Donner Party

April 19, 2005 by

It's the second day of A.S. elections, so you should have already voted for me for president, but in case you haven't, I have another campaign promise: As A.S. president, all of the crimes I commit (o...
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