The other day I saw a car with a sign on the windshield that read, “Please don’t take me.” I guess this makes sense… after all, what sort of thief wouldn’t be moved by the word “please”? Perhaps I should put a sign on my house: “Please don’t light this building on fire.” Please don’t punch every person you meet. Please don’t feed live scorpions to infants. Please don’t take this sign.

Friday’s forecast: Thank you for not throwing naked prisoners from planes… oh wait, someone really did do that.