Weather

January 25, 2005

Made in the Storke Socialist Republic

By Staff

I already thought "What Not to Wear" was a pretty socialist show, but North Korea has taken it one step further with its new TV series, "Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance With Socialist Lifestyle."

January 24, 2005

Penny for My Thoughts

By Staff

I hate pennies. They're like the quick-breeding, out-of-control bunnies of the monetary world. Back in 2001, one courageous congressman, Jim Kolbe (R-Ariz.), introduced legislation calling for its elimination, but nothin...

January 21, 2005

Does God Like Pizza?

By Staff

According to a recent poll, only one-third of Americans believe in the theory of evolution. Upon learning this, I was a bit puzzled by how people can be so skeptical of scientific research.

January 20, 2005

And Four to Grow On

By Staff

If this is your birthday, happy birthday! A parade will be held in your honor down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. this afternoon.

January 19, 2005

Junior High Prom Heats Up

By Staff

Management consultant William Fried recently told a bunch of Bay Area eighth graders that they could make up to $250,000 per year as an exotic dancer (depending on their bust size, that is).

January 18, 2005

La Cumbre

By Staff

Everyone and their mother

January 14, 2005

No Warm Body in This Seat

By Staff

Well, I almost managed to make it through my college experience without having one of those evil professors who grades you on lecture attendance.

January 13, 2005

Helpful Advice for You Fatties

By Staff

The government just updated its dietary guidelines. The groundbreaking new recommendations are to eat fewer calories and exercise more.

January 12, 2005

Books Open, Bottoms Up

By Staff

The weatherhuman has gone mad. The cause for this madness; the decision to take a full load of 21 units. Although some may call it the end of any sort of social life, not so for this wily androgenous being.

January 11, 2005

Brunch in Buchanan

By Staff

Lately people have been leaving little surprises for me under the seat in lecture: uncapped soda bottles, half-empty cups of coffee, etc.

January 10, 2005

Stay Healthy for Life

By Staff

Rejoice! John Basedow, the disproportionate "Fitness Made Simple" guru, has apparently waved goodbye to this life. He was on vacation in Thailand when the tsunami hit, and things didn't work out.

January 7, 2005

Go for the Obvious

By Staff

With a new year come new opportunities. The last few years have frankly been disappointing, because "Infant" has dropped off the government's list of the top 1,000 U.S. baby names.

January 6, 2005

Look Out Below

By Staff

I.V. is getting a rock climbing thing! There's a fence surrounding that excuse for a park on the 6600 block of Pasado, and it's accompanied by a picture of a big, fake rock.

January 5, 2005

Obey Your Purse

By Staff

This quarter I'm taking a class about how to find efficient, low-cost solutions to problems. The textbook for the class costs $160.

January 4, 2005

Daddy Christmas

By Staff

Over Winter Break I saw the greatest Christmas light display ever. On the fence of this one house, someone had spelled out, in lights, "HO." Not "HO HO HO." Just "HO."

January 3, 2005

Smile! It’s Raining!

By Staff

OK, so I'm not responsible for all the rain. Really. Quite the contrary. I'm annoyed just like you are; I had to buy an umbrella. Ironically, the weatherhuman loses umbrellas all the time.