With a new year come new opportunities. The last few years have frankly been disappointing, because “Infant” has dropped off the government’s list of the top 1,000 U.S. baby names. Back in the ’90s, Infant made a respectable showing, regularly breaking into the 700s or better. Since 2001, though, it’s been outstaged by things like Cornelius and Edgardo. If you’re pregnant or will be soon, do your part to make 2005 a better year by naming your child “Infant.”

Friday’s forecast: “Weatherhuman” hasn’t broken the top 1,000 lately, either, so I might have to start fervidly reproducing. Another way you can do your part.