Lately people have been leaving little surprises for me under the seat in lecture: uncapped soda bottles, half-empty cups of coffee, etc. It’s nice to know that if there were an earthquake or snowstorm and we all became trapped, that extra bit of liquid would keep me alive until the rescuers arrived. This would give me an advantage over everyone else, who would die of thirst. Then I could resort to cannibalism to stay alive. But no, instead I accidentally knock the stuff all over my backpack and shoes, and my cannibalism is only for fun or spite.

Tuesday’s forecast: I’d also use all the trash to build a fire for warmth… and cooking.