Weather

February 16, 2005

Message From the Stars

By Staff

You may have noticed that yesterday's paper omitted a horoscope for Pisces. Sorry, some of the stars were tired and needed a day off.

February 15, 2005

Not In Kansas Anymore

By Staff

And here I thought I.V. was crowded. Authorities who were rescuing people from a potentially fatal gas leak in a duplex last night found that there were 25 people living inside

February 14, 2005

I Hate Valentine’s Day, so Date Me

By Staff

Hey kids! Be sure to check today's opinion pages for the personal ads disguised as columns or letters to the editor.

February 11, 2005

Let’s Drink to Our Fine Water

By Staff

Today is supposed to be the last day that they're cleaning the pipes, which means I.V.'s water will be back to normal - whatever that is.

February 10, 2005

Mardi Blah

By Staff

It sounds like San Luis Obispo went from having a lame excuse for a riot last year to being just lame this year.

February 9, 2005

Testing…

By Staff

Have you used that microwave in the UCen? haven

February 8, 2005

Sex on the Brain

By Staff

I just read an article saying that scientists have invented a

February 7, 2005

Super Bowl ____

By Staff

It's a good thing I bet on the ________ this year. All you ________ fans must be feeling pretty silly right now. But next year it will be all about the ________.

February 4, 2005

Study Break

By Staff

Phew, the infamous Week 5 is over. Now I can put aside the books and focus on more important things, like my Week 6 midterm.

February 3, 2005

The Rodent’s Got Nothin’ on Me

By Staff

The groundhog saw his shadow, meaning there's another six weeks of winter ahead. Alas.

February 2, 2005

Prognosticate, Procrastinate

By Staff

Huzzah! It

February 1, 2005

When Roommates Go Nuclear

By Staff

My former roommate took their microwave with them when they moved out, and now I feel so... adrift.

January 31, 2005

Lava Lovers

By Staff

Good news! Target - as in the store that isn't anywhere near UCSB - is donating a 50-foot-tall fake lava lamp to the town of Soap Lake, Wash.

January 28, 2005

Heavy Metal

By Staff

Today in short fiction: John Sledge eyed the door. There was light and he could hear noises beyond. He drew his gun and threw his shoulder at the door.

January 27, 2005

One Nation Under the Influence

By Staff

According to the all-knowing TVs in the UCen, about 0.7 percent of the world's population is drunk at any given moment. That's a lot of drunk people - over 40 million - enough to form an entire country...

January 26, 2005

Whoa… Story Assignment…

By Staff

Dude, there's a correction today. I guess we got a bit confused while reporting on the joint-rolling contest. Let's face it... all the joints were pretty damn good.