According to the all-knowing TVs in the UCen, about 0.7 percent of the world’s population is drunk at any given moment. That’s a lot of drunk people – over 40 million – enough to form an entire country… which doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. Too many new countries come about due to ethnic, religious or political strife. The fine citizens of Sloshonia, however, would be blissfully incapable of warfare, bureaucracy or public access cable. Emigrate today!

Thursday’s forecast: I.V. residents are granted automatic dual citizenship, naturally.