Hey kids! Be sure to check today’s opinion pages for the personal ads disguised as columns or letters to the editor. Aren’t they so romantic?
Monday’s forecast: Newsprint is love.
I Hate Valentine’s Day, so Date Me
Featured Comic
Moving on From UCSB
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Command + F (find and replace)
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Command + N (new window for your Wikipedia deep-dive)
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Command + C (copy and paste life)
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Command + W (close it down, simply don't look at it anymore)
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Command + B (bold and beautiful)
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Shift + Command + 4 (screenshot ... collect those receipts)
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Command + X (cut it out)
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Command + Z (undo AKA un-fuck)
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Command + Delete (delete everything to the left of the cursor because you fucked up)
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Command + Shift + N (open a new private window ... for no reason at all)
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Command + K (hyperlink some sexy sources)
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Command + P (print because you gotta print a lot if you cry a lot)
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