Opinion

April 21, 2005

In the Trenches: Laziness-Infected College Vocab Gives Me the Chills

By Chris Trenchard

We are brilliant. At the ripe age of 18 - and in many cases even younger - we discovered a word so flexible, so generic and so damn sexy that we would never need to use another word again.

April 20, 2005

Please Don’t

By system

It's 4/20, and the government just replaced the single grain-heavy food pyramid we grew up with 12 different ones to reflect your sex, lifestyle, age, tax filing status, etc.

April 20, 2005

Getting’ Wacky on Tabbacky

By Dave Franzese

As of this Monday, the neighbors who reside behind me have been set on striking flint, eager to set off the powder keg that is our shared parking lot. They now park with megalomaniacal abandon, erratically leaving Jettas...

April 20, 2005

Drugstore Cowboy: Forget Real Crimes, Let’s Get Stoners

By Cory Anthony

As of Tuesday, April 19, 2005, the federal government has spent well over $6 billion on the great "War on Drugs" for this year. I suppose it's needless to remind you that this year has barely kicked off.

April 19, 2005

Vote for the Donner Party

By system

It's the second day of A.S. elections, so you should have already voted for me for president, but in case you haven't, I have another campaign promise: As A.S. president, all of the crimes I commit (or allegedly commit, ...

April 19, 2005

Enter Princess Charming

By Lulwa Bordcosh

A woman's charm goes further than tactics of batting eyelashes, uncontrollable giggles and a hiked-up miniskirt. Case in point: When a man would apply one of his pickup lines and I would respond with a clever and smoothe...

April 19, 2005

Private Dancer: The Deception Behind Gender Studies

By Alec Mouhibian

I'm not much for playground gender discourse. Men aren't from Mars - and as far as I'm concerned, if women were really from Venus, they'd have three boobs. Yet there are certain phallophobic feminists who've taken the ge...

April 19, 2005

Understanding Depression Is Essential to Its Treatment

By Daniel Shepherd

One could argue that this year has started off on the wrong foot. The persistent rains, devastating tsunami and the pressure of another quarter can all contribute to a less-than-perky attitude. For some, the negative fee...

April 19, 2005

Dumbass DP Ledge Jumper Provides Cliffhanging Entertainment

By David Fuad

As a house of 12 guys on oceanside DP, we're frequently front and center as the helpless victims/neutral spectators/chronic instigators of the relentless debauchery that is DP. We knew what we were getting into when we s...

April 18, 2005

It’s ok, It Can Fix Itself

By Matt Cappiello

I spent most of Earth Day trashed out of my mind. The festivities at Anisq' Oyo' Park pushed the holiday to an alcoholic extreme, making even the most prudish of students into slothful sex machines. While I enjoy exploit...

April 18, 2005

Ooooh… Student Government…

By system

Quick! Drop whatever you're doing now (sitting in lecture, breast-feeding, both, etc.), run to a computer, log on to GOLD and vote for the Weatherhuman for A.S. president.

April 18, 2005

He Said: Do More Than Just Cruise While Rolling on Your Cruiser

By Alex Pavlovic

Before you go about giving that biker on a cell phone the dirtiest look you can muster, perhaps you should commend them for killing two birds with one cell phone-shaped stone.

April 18, 2005

She Said: Biking and Chatting Warrants a Swift Kick to the Face

By Anna Oleson-Wheeler

When you learn to drive they advise you against certain distractions while operating the vehicle: listening to headphones, giving road head and talking on the phone - to avoid an untimely death.

April 18, 2005

How Can the Public Stand Behind Bush?

By Daniel Gruen

Republican rhetoric won't suffice when it comes to the things Americans value most. At least, Republican rhetoric shouldn't suffice, especially when the standard of living for Americans is threatening to decline for the ...

April 18, 2005

Don’t Let the Foot Patrol Infringe Upon Your Rights

By Myles Rush

Have you ever seen an I.V. Foot Patrol officer arrest someone or been arrested yourself, but couldn't figure out why? Has an officer made an unprofessional or inappropriate comment to you? Has an officer told you that ...

April 15, 2005

There’s the Beef

By system

Some woman supposedly found part of a human finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. Isn't it weird how people are always finding toes and chicken heads and razors and shit in fast food?