Before you go about giving that biker on a cell phone the dirtiest look you can muster, perhaps you should commend them for killing two birds with one cell phone-shaped stone.
Biking while on the phone may seem dangerous to some, but in reality, it makes perfect sense. Why should you have to stare at the ocean on the ride home when you can make a much-needed phone call instead? Sure, there’s a slight chance you’re endangering others, but if they’re so worried about their health, then maybe it’s about time they started sporting a helmet and some kneepads.
Your critics might tell you that when you press that phone to your ear, you lose touch of your surroundings and cause trouble for others. But it seems to me that bikers in our little corner of the world have the right of way just about everywhere they go.
So go ahead and dial those digits’cause no one’s going to get in your way – unless they also happen to be bike-dialing.
As long as you’ve got your phone out, why not shoot off a quick text message? Don’t worry about keeping your eyes on the path – you’ll stop when you hit something. It may seem more complicated, but if you have the mental acuity to text and bike at the same time, you may just be qualified enough to be our next president.
I say take it all a step further; in fact, take more than one step.
There’s no reason why you can’t have an iPod headphone blasting away in your free ear. As long as you don’t mix things up and accidentally tell your conversation partner that you’re going to “take them to the candy shop,” you should be in the clear.
While you’re at it, why don’t you pick up some Jamba Juice to keep a hand full and your throat loose while the other person’s talking? With a cell phone in one hand, your other hand really shouldn’t be forced to hold onto a bike handle that’s shaped like someone’s genitals.
Now, if you’ve gotten this far, I suggest you stop reading. Neatly fold up this newspaper and save the rest of your Nexus browsing for the bike ride home. The sun shining above you, the ground whizzing by below you, a cell phone and a Nexus firmly entrenched in your danger-loving hands… it doesn’t get any better.
Daily Nexus staff writer Alex Pavlovic can often be seen eating Freebirds nachos during his bike ride home.