Jenny Paradise

May 30, 2007

Columnist Bids Adieu to Sexy UCSB

By Jenny Paradise

It was destiny that sunny afternoon last year when I blew off school, got drunk with my housemates and let them convince me to apply for the position of sex columnist.

May 23, 2007

Porn Allows Viewers to Fantasize, Escape Reality

By Jenny Paradise

"Stop fucking standing there and fuck me!" porn star Cytherea demanded of her costar.

May 16, 2007

Exhibit Your Sexy Sides

By Jenny Paradise

From the bathroom in the Davidson Library to the grass outside of the UCen to the top of Storke Tower, UCSB is full of exciting places to do the nasty.

May 9, 2007

Get Together, Stop Blue Balls Forever

By Jenny Paradise

Picture this: You're a guy hanging out at Sam's To Go, downing a pitcher with your friends and enjoying this sweltering heat, when you catch the eye of a sexy stranger.

May 2, 2007

Screw Definitions; Ditch the Labels

By Jenny Paradise

"I don't have to make the choice, I like girls and I like boys!" Peaches climbed up the stage as the crowd went crazy, dancing and cheering on her refusal to choose.

April 25, 2007

Turn Weekend Hookups Into Dates

By Jenny Paradise

Ever since I was a kid, I have been trained to believe the process of dating was an essential part of getting to know someone, and certainly the precursor to relationships and sex.

April 11, 2007

Hump Presents Rules of Engagement

By Jenny Paradise

In sunny Isla Vista, riding your sexy lab partner has become as common and socially acceptable as riding a bike to class - and I firmly believe that people should be able to do whom they want, when they want.

April 4, 2007

Prevent Loneliness on Sexile Island

By Jenny Paradise

Now that Spring Break is over, the vacation can finally begin. Spring Quarter is to students as, well, spring is to any kind of animal - time to hump and make some babies.

March 7, 2007

Bill’s Bus Drives Make Out Sessions

By Jenny Paradise

"Let's find some blow and big-tittie girls!" The guy beamed at his friend drunkenly and swayed as the bus headed downtown on the 101.

February 28, 2007

Sexual Chef Entices You With Dessert

By Jenny Paradise

Eat me out! Toss my salad! Pass the whipped cream! Sometimes with all the sexual connotations deriving from food in the bedroom it is easy to forget that I'm fucking and not at a family picnic

February 21, 2007

Give Out-of-Towners Sexy I.V. Tours

By Jenny Paradise

Isla Vista is a shithole. It smells, it's dirty and if you leave anything unlocked for even a fleeting moment, it disappears.

February 14, 2007

Spend Valentine’s Day Loving Your Sexy Self

By Jenny Paradise

Today is Valentine's Day, February four-fucking-teenth and it is the day to finally say no. No to mediocre dates with way too much pressure to be perfect. No to psychotic flipouts when one little thing goes wrong.

February 7, 2007

Student Health Provides Valuable Services

By Jenny Paradise

I'm not one of those people who get queasy and faint or barf at the sight of a needle. It's not like I'm into intravenous drugs, but I don't particularly mind giving blood or getting shots.

January 31, 2007

Abstinence Halts Necessary Exploits

By Jenny Paradise

Rainy days simultaneously suck and blow. That may sound impossible, but your mom's vast experience has taught me that it's not. It is the rainy season of winter quarter that leaves me doing my reading that I put off for ...

January 24, 2007

Definitions Unlock Your Chastity Belt

By Jenny Paradise

It is another freezing night on Sabado Tarde Road, and I'm mindlessly watching "Next" with my roommates, cattily commenting on the stupidity of the suitors and mocking the unwarranted arrogance of the primary dater.

January 17, 2007

Turn Your Shame Into Stride of Pride

By Jenny Paradise

"Shaaaaackerrr! Shacker, shacker, shacker, SHACKER!" Aside from launching water balloons - at willing participants, of course, thank you for that suggestion/threat I.V. Foot Patrol - the best part about having a balcony ...