You’re Fired

March 2, 2007 by

Donald Trump's dentist needs to get a life, or higher paying clients, if he is seeking compensation for Cory Lidle's crash that ruined his $7 million apartment.
read more

Broiled Kazaam

March 1, 2007 by

After losing Dwayne Wade, Shaq finally felt the heat last night, only it wasn't in Miami. Actually, his season-high 23 points seems more like Wade lit a fire under his ass.
read more

Melting Witches

February 28, 2007 by

After hearing about the 'witch hunt' tip from Gary Sheffield, the QB is heading to Scottsdale with a Super-Soaker to melt some steroid juicers.
read more

Peachy Dash

February 27, 2007 by

Georgia Tech alumn Calvin Johnson ran the 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine in almost 4.31 seconds, about the amount of time it takes Bill Simmons to fart out a column.
read more

5-5-5 Deal

February 26, 2007 by

So, Dominos, when you sponsor a NASCAR team, what do you look for in a driver? Obviously, you aren't too concerned about crossing the finish line in one piece.
read more

Dollar Dollar Bills Y’all

February 23, 2007 by

For all you young athletes who need a lesson on where to invest your money, do not be like "Pacman" of the Tennessee Titans and flaunt it on strippers.
read more

A Nose Above the Rest

February 22, 2007 by

Congrats to Manu Ginobili for scoring 24 straight points last night. Just remember, it was against the Hawks. And don't trip over your nose.
read more

Major League Drama

February 21, 2007 by

Hey ESPN, no one cares whether Derek Jeter still has dinner with Alex Rodriguez on their off nights. This is major league baseball, not an episode of "Entourage," so report it that way.
read more

Can’t Keep It Up

February 20, 2007 by

After losing the Daytona 500 by .020 seconds, Mark Martin might be wishing he had stuck with his old sponsor. Viagra obviously gave him more stamina late in the race.
read more

Shake and Bake

February 16, 2007 by

After Jeff Gordon's car failed a postrace inspection - the drug testing of NASCAR - the QB has to conclude that even engines are juicing up in bathroom stalls.
read more

Apology Not Accepted

February 15, 2007 by

"I'm sorry, I wish I didn't say 'I hate gay people.'" What is an apology going to do, Tim Hardaway? Didn't you see how stupid Kramer looked when he went on Letterman?
read more

Tour de Lance?

February 14, 2007 by

After conquering the world of cycling, what else does Lance Armstrong have left to do but enter the NYC Marathon with fellow wash-up P. Diddy? Or is it Puff Daddy?
read more

Simmons scooper

February 13, 2007 by

Since when does ESPN sports columnist post a diary about the Grammys? If ESPN.com was a tool shed, Bill Simmons would be the pooper scooper.
read more

B-day Wishes

February 12, 2007 by

Happy Birthday Abe! Come back from the dead and tell me where to get one of those spiffy hats and then suit up for our intramural basketball team.
read more

Juiced to Break the Record

February 9, 2007 by

Bud Selig seems to be quite the apathetic man. He skirted the steroid issue and now he is refusing to shake Bond's hand if he breaks Hank Aaron's record.
read more