Hey ESPN, no one cares whether Derek Jeter still has dinner with Alex Rodriguez on their off nights. This is major league baseball, not an episode of “Entourage,” so report it that way.
Major League Drama
Featured Comic
Moving on From UCSB
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Command + F (find and replace)
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Command + N (new window for your Wikipedia deep-dive)
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Command + C (copy and paste life)
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Command + W (close it down, simply don't look at it anymore)
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Command + B (bold and beautiful)
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Shift + Command + 4 (screenshot ... collect those receipts)
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Command + X (cut it out)
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Command + Z (undo AKA un-fuck)
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Command + Delete (delete everything to the left of the cursor because you fucked up)
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Command + Shift + N (open a new private window ... for no reason at all)
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Command + K (hyperlink some sexy sources)
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Command + P (print because you gotta print a lot if you cry a lot)
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