Hey ESPN, no one cares whether Derek Jeter still has dinner with Alex Rodriguez on their off nights. This is major league baseball, not an episode of “Entourage,” so report it that way.
Major League Drama
Featured Comic
Midterm Priorities at UCSB
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
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Taurus
April 20 - May 20
“dusty rusty crusty musty ass california hills”
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
“frowning in plaid (haunted radios, bird bones + anthropomorphized wind)”
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
“warming my hands on bridges i’ve burnt”
Leo
July 23 - August 22
“songs that make me see god”
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
“My Playlist #236”
Libra
September 23 - October 22
“classy wine moment and intellectual conversation”
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
“90s heroin chic model off duty”
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
“tweet tweet bird emoji map emoji”
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
“not my circus, not my monkeys”
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
“a grave is probably cheaper than an apartment”
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
“ATE THESE BITCHES LEFT NO CRUMBS / DID IT IN DESIGNER PUMPS”
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