After switching her major from biochemistry to medieval studies, third-year Ima Noying has longed to fill the empty void in her heart that used to be nourished by the steady source of suffering associ...
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Around 5:30 p.m. Saturday evening, tragedy struck the shores of Sands as local I.V. woman Margaret Rogers’s phone battery dropped dangerously low during the most ‘gramable sunset of the year. Just...
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After seeing three ‘reading is sexy’ bumper stickers in the span of two hours (and consistently failing every single chemistry course offered at UCSB), Howard felt the universe was telling her it ...
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Breaking: incoming second-year Betty Razi is finally ready to demonstrate her newfound sense of maturity to the wittle baby freshmen.
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A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.
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“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
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Several disappointed freshmen have been seen mourning the loss of their high school graduation money after spending it on an arsenal of Halloween costumes fit to combat the Halloweens of Isla Vista’...
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Case-Barnes deliberately expressed that his glorified tree graveyard has all the comforts of home that an over-caffeinated nerd could dream of.
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After a whole year of anticipation, thousands of Gauchos drunkenly staggered to Harder Stadium on Saturday evening to unite over their contrived love for a sport they know nothing about.
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Incoming freshman and only child Ella McLeod just arrived at her new glorified closet for three, and she could not be more pumped to get the siblings she never asked for.
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Researchers recently discovered revealed groundbreaking evidence that pun-related humor in males is directly correlated with being a good father.
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“dusty rusty crusty musty ass california hills”
“frowning in plaid (haunted radios, bird bones + anthropomorphized wind)”
“warming my hands on bridges i’ve burnt”
“songs that make me see god”
“My Playlist #236”
“classy wine moment and intellectual conversation”
“90s heroin chic model off duty”
“tweet tweet bird emoji map emoji”
“not my circus, not my monkeys”
“a grave is probably cheaper than an apartment”
“ATE THESE BITCHES LEFT NO CRUMBS / DID IT IN DESIGNER PUMPS”
