Opinion
This is the story of 135 power-hungry status seekers, seemingly chosen at random to take part in the latest and most embarrassing display of political absurdity this side of the 2000 Presidential deba...
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By now, many of you have undoubtedly heard about Proposition 54. This initiative, which is backed by Ward Connerly, the UC Regent behind Proposition 209, proposes to ban the state of California from c...
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The weathercomputer is on the fritz once again. The friendly technical support representative diagnosed my grumblings as resulting from a faulty motherboard.
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The recent sexual assaults in Francisco Torres and Isla Vista are incredibly scary, life-changing events for the women involved. Unfortunately, sexual assaults are much more prevalent in our community...
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My best friend and I were having a heated debate over the validity of female ejaculation. Having never experienced a gusher before, I rejected his idea that they are real.
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When I say that I.V. is a microcosm of America's worst and best, I mean a lot of things. American lifestyle, history and attitudes manifest in these harsh Santa Barbara conditions at levels seen littl...
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Truth may be the first casualty of war, but just because it's dead doesn't mean you have to drag it down the street with its guts trailing behind it as double-jawed hyenas gnaw on the gristle.
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As Panhellenic president, I would like to clarify the fact that the UCSB greek system does not in any way support the recent activities involving pornography that have taken place at certain parties i...
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The Palestinian-Israeli conflict is decades old, and it often seems as though there is no end in sight. Following the breakdown of the Quartet's "roadmap" peace plan and the resignation of Palestinian...
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"You know this isn't wrong." The pavement near the edge of the 6600 block of Pasado Road told me so. If I'm not mistaken, this mysterious message of reassurance became part of the Isla Vista landscape...
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I awake at 8 a.m. to get into the bacterial jungle that is my shower. As a train rumbles by and causes the foundation of my building to shake, I wonder if my shower is actually going to get me any cle...
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God, the first weekend of the school year goes fast. For two days we get a little taste of the freedom and carelessness we basked in all summer. We get wild, time gets blurry, then, boom, it's over.
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As the guy referred to as the "longtime Isla Vista resident," I feel the need to write the obligatory "Welcome to I.V. piece for you, the incoming UCSB freshman class of 2003-04.
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Everything shower every day
Has an extensive tote bag collection but never brings one to Trader Joe’s
Reusing condoms
Collecting tears to water their plants
Asking to shower together to “save water”
Air conditioning and electric blanket running simultaneously
Has gone from Temu to SHEIN for bikini purchases
Fracking
On their 10th flight out of Santa Barbara Airport this month
Owns seven Stanley cups
Wrote their environmental ethics essay with ChatGPT
Vegan contributing to Big Almond
