People in this society who are committed to reducing sexual assault fall under a common misconception that must be clarified. We are dedicated to the end of rape and sexual assault, not sex! In fact, many of us happen to love sex, practice it as often as possible and be quite good at it.

Before we continue, we want to make one thing clear: not everyone has sex. Many people make the conscious decision to abstain from sex, and we say more power to them. While it is not our particular cup of tea, we have all the respect in the world for people who follow their hearts, especially in the presence of such an overwhelming pressure to conform.

With that being said, let us return to sex. There are many kinds of sex. More than we can cleverly insert into an op-ed piece, but here’s what we came up with in less than ten minutes.

There’s good sex. Good sex is categorized as a team effort. Both people are working together with each other’s needs in mind. Most good sex occurs between people who are comfortable with their sexuality and are knowledgeable about sex. Good sex leaves participants satisfied with their decision to engage in sex and will most likely happen again.

Then there’s bad sex. Anyone who has had sex has experienced the awkwardness and embarrassment of bad sex. Many factors contribute to bad sex: alcohol or drugs, inexperience or lack of communication, to name a few. Maybe it is just an off night, but whatever the reason, at least one person wakes up the next morning and isn’t satisfied. Unfortunately, there is a lot of bad sex out there, probably due to the poor efforts of this country to educating our youth about sexuality.

There is soft, romantic sex with lots of neck kisses, candles and all the Kenny G you can handle. Let’s not forget rough sex, which is not all hearts and flowers but can be very passionate and a lot of fun when both people are into it. There’s orgy sex; come one, come all and the more the merrier. Sex with yourself is the safest and easiest one to make sure you have consent. There is straight sex, queer sex, human sex, animal sex … don’t tell me you have never seen the chimps getting down at the zoo.

There is regretted sex, which can be directly related to bad sex but does not have to be. Regretted sex could happen between two good friends who get caught up in a moment of passion and act on thoughts that seemed really good at the time, but wake up to a really awkward moment the next morning. Alcohol, infidelity, revenge – we’ve seen it a million times. The bottom line is that at the time both people were into it but the after the fact, one or both people wished they could go back in time to take it all back.

And then there is sexual assault. There is a big difference between sex of any kind and sexual assault. The main difference is the absence of consent, or willingness to participate. Sex is about two or more people that actively want to engage in sweet, sweet loving. Sexual assault is about one person taking control. A survivor of sexual assault did not get to choose whether s/he wanted to engage in sexual activities, the decision was made for him/her.

Don’t confuse sexual assault and sex. It is not a thin line. Spare us the old myth about women crying rape to protect their reputations after a night of regretted sex; we’ve heard it before. It makes no sense to us. A woman does not benefit from saying she has been raped. Her friends won’t believe her, or worse yet, they will ask her what she did to provoke the attack. The fact is that women don’t lie about being raped because they have nothing to gain from it. If you knew some one in junior high who said they were raped and then admitted it was a lie, realize that statistically, you will never meet another person who lies about being assaulted.

We wish we could talk about sex without talking about sexual assault but the sad fact is that too many people do. There is too much attention focused on sex and not enough on the prevention of sexual assault. Now you know. If you want to know more, stop by the Women’s Center.

Max Anders is the Men Against Rape co-coordinator and Susan Landgraff is a media intern for the Rape Prevention Education Program.