How about the open letter from the Chancellor about National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week? Long, boring and full of statements like “Alcohol abuse directly undercuts the return on your parents’ educational investment.” The letter would only have been slightly less accessible if they had printed it in Latin and asked kids to translate.

If you really want students to listen, give them some of the cold, hard (warm, moist) truth about alcohol–it caused one of the weatherfriends to spend Sunday afternoon in someone else’s bed soaked in his own urine. It also apparently causes irrationality for hours after the primary effects have worn off. Witness my friend’s description of the events as “mere speculation.”

Tuesday’s forecast: Don’t tell the youngsters about the part when my housemate said Sunday was “the greatest day of my life.”