Opinion

April 4, 2003

Bike Wreck – Er, I Mean Rack.

By system

The bicycle gods have conspired with the recent gale-force breezes to create a new deathtrap on campus: the Arts Building bike rack.

April 4, 2003

Blanket Statements Leave You In the Cold

By Alice El-Bizri

I believe that Todd Roberson's argument about "lackluster" liberals (Daily Nexus, "A Lesson for the Liberals," April 3, 2003) is as unfair as he claims "anti-war protestors' favorite arguments" are.

April 4, 2003

Fedayeen Fight for Freedom, Not Hussein

By Edward M. Gorenshteyn

This resistance is the valiant attempt of a weak country to defend itself from the unprovoked invasion of an overwhelming force. It is inaccurate to claim that Iraq poses any kind of threat to the United States.

April 4, 2003

Navy-Employed Dolphins Don’t Have It as Bad as You Think

By Jeffery Hansen

In his opinion article "Navy Seals and Dolphins" (Daily Nexus, March 31, 2003), opinion editor Steven Ruszczycky both states explicitly and implies that the Navy trained dolphins come into physical contact with the mines...

April 4, 2003

Headphones Are Against the Law If You’re Riding a Bike

By Michael Porzucki

After standing in the treacherous reader line at Grafikart the other day, I stepped on my bike, opened my backpack and threw on my headphones. As I attempted to bike across the street, an I.V. Foot Patrol officer who smi...

April 3, 2003

A Lesson for the Liberals

By Todd Roberson

The debate that has taken place in America over the legitimacy of the war in Iraq has exemplified liberals' lackluster attempts to understand conservative beliefs. Liberal anti-war protesters have demonstrated their igno...

April 3, 2003

I Can’t Look

By system

Time flies- except when you're in lecture. Then it lurches like a maimed chicken. Every day when I walk into class, I see how long I can avoid looking at the weatherwatch. I usually get through 15 or 20 minutes.

April 3, 2003

Dinner Skirmish: War Widens the Gap Between Young and Old

By Drew Mackie

Going Home earned me something aside from getting my clothes washed and my meals cooked for free: a new dimension of our nation's present international entanglement.

April 2, 2003

Battling for Their Lives

By Joey Tartakovsky

So far, the most alarming development is that of Saddam's paramilitary forces. More and more, it seems that these individuals - not tanks or contingents of uniformed soldiers - will determine the course of battle.

April 2, 2003

Thump, Thump

By system

There is a weatherpet this year. It happens to be a hamster. The weathercavemates enjoy tormenting the weatherpet. They like to turn its cage around and watch it get confused.

April 2, 2003

Pardon Me, but What Wind Through Yonder Orifice Breaks?

By Beth Van Dyke

It is the female equivalent to limp dick. People refuse to discuss it. But being the disgustingly frank love kitten I am, I wanted the truth to be told. Can't hold my cunt trumpet down.

April 1, 2003

The Peasent’s Voice: Small Problems Can Get Big if You Don’t Deal With Them Early

By Olaf Fjordson Viking Exchange Student

"What light through yonder closet breaks?" quoth I Sunday morning last, upon my re-arrival at the dormitoria after the break of the Spring Festival.

April 1, 2003

The Peasent’s Voice: Damned if You Are, Damned if You Aren’t: Witches Found in Dorms

By Wynona Rooter Freshman

This may shock and awe all of you, but with the Good Lord's help I hope that you all might suspend your disbelief at this most wretched news I here reveal.

April 1, 2003

The Spring Goddess Returns

By Corinth of Anthony apprentice apothecary

'Tis the wonderful time of Spring once again. Flowers bloom, the days lengthen and the maids doth begin the annual shedding of their winter layers.

April 1, 2003

Ask Nostradamus! The Man with the Magick Mirror Has All the Answers

By Nostradamus Oracle

Dear Nostradamus, I am a lesbian and have come out to all my friends here at UCSB. Everyone seems pretty accepting, which has been great. I want to come out to my parents, but I'm afraid of how they will react. Do you ha...

April 1, 2003