Opinion
Nothing I've written has been as well received as the sports column I wrote that analyzed the best names in college football. Names like Sen'Derrick Marks and Lucious Pusey. I originally planned on ta...
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All too frequently do I attend parties in Isla Vista where I leave disappointed. Not for the most common reasons - a tapped keg, a shortage of ladies, a persistently obnoxious doorman or an excruciati...
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I am angry with the United States government for harboring the single greatest terrorist this nation has ever seen: Tom Brady.
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Stale urine trickled down the inside of his leg a drop at a time, eventually soaking the black dress socks he'd just bought that morning. He would have laughed if it wasn't for the tension in the offi...
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Dear Weatherprofessors, Due to the unusual amount of rain, I will not be attending classes until further notice. I realize that my absence will be missed, particularly in my [class name removed by edi...
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Eric Frimpong has been convicted of rape. This comes as no surprise to anyone with half a brain. The evidence against him was overwhelming: teeth marks consistent with his on the victim's face, witnes...
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I don’t like blackjack. I’ve never played craps in my life. I’m not a fan of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow or any other semiretired headliner at Caesars Palace. However, there is one re...
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I went to Jack in the Box for dinner last night, and what did I find in my seasoned curlies? Not one, but TWO regular fries! This is absolutely the best thing that can happen during a meal. If you ord...
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As an employee of the food service industry, it astounds me to see so many people cave in to social pressure. In this country, tips are expected to be given liberally to people holding arbitrary jobs ...
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When I say “Sake,” you say “Bomb!” Sake! Bomb! Sake! Bomb! Sake! BOMB! Sake bombs are a fun way to get blitzed with your friends. You may be wondering, what exactly is a sake b...
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Editor, Daily Nexus, Hillary Clinton came to Santa Barbara with a goal in mind; she wanted to hold a personalized town hall meeting focusing on the students at UCSB. We, as the California campaign dir...
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Editor, Daily Nexus, As a young, educated, sexually active woman, I believe that it is important to speak out in support of women’s reproductive rights and do all we can to protect them. At pres...
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"Let's have a conversation," Hillary Clinton proposed to the crowd of mostly UCSB students and Santa Barbara locals, utilizing a line she used to kick off her campaign in a videotaped message on Hilla...
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An online survey found that two-thirds of Australian travelers want to join the Mile High Club. It’s hard to believe that a third of the respondents said no, although I guess I can see what thei...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
