Here’s a common scenario: It’s Friday night. You went to a few classes this week, maybe did some homework or studying and now it is time to go out and celebrate. You pre-game harder than most other people party, because that’s how Gauchos roll. Then you trek all the way out to Del Playa Drive (or maybe just down the street) in search of a sick party. After a few unsuccessful attempts at finding even a decent party, you find yourself drunk and unsatisfied. It’s only midnight and all the good parties have ended due to noise violations. Since when does it seem fair that a community of college students have to be quiet by midnight on the weekend? Anyway, the night is a bust. You’re dressed up, stumbling drunk, and you and your crew have nothing fun to do. Fear not, I have unfortunately been there many times. Here are a few things you can do to try to save the night.

#1: Go skinny dipping in the ocean! OK, maybe this one is a little better during Fall or Spring Quarter, but if you are drunk enough, it won’t matter. Just head down to the beach and walk away from the entrance for a couple minutes. Now that it is pitch black, strip! Put your clothes by the cliffs and run into the ocean. Don’t try to ease your way in, you must run towards the ocean until you trip and fall completely into the water. Also, this one is better if you are with a group of people, preferably a good ratio of guys and girls. It’s not quite the same experience if you go running around naked and screaming by yourself.

#2: Bring the party back to your place. Every weekend, there are hundreds of people looking for a party on DP. When the night is a bust, start inviting friendly looking people you see on the street back to your place for a party. Chances are, the people you will run into on the way back to your pad are just looking for something fun to do too.

#3: Gamble. I just got back from a fun weekend in Vegas, and drunken gambling is a lot of fun. If the night has become about as fun as filling out the FAFSA, find a sober driver and head up to Chumash. It’s only about a 40-minute drive up the 154. Even better – take the free shuttle. It leaves at 1 a.m. from behind the Linens-N-Things in Goleta. The great thing about Chumash Casino is that you only have to be 18 to gamble there. If you are not yet 21, sneak in a flask, order a soda, head to the bathroom and spike your drink. As fun as drunken gambling can be, bet small so you don’t lose too much money.

#4: Go home. Being a college student is busy, so you probably spend most of your time on campus, at the library, at the Study Hall, at the beach or doing some sort of activity away from home. At home, you – or at least one of your roommates – probably have some cool musical instruments. I love to get drunk and start rockin’ out on the drums, playing around on my harmonica, or pretending I know how to play the guitar. For those that are pretty bad at playing musical instruments, play video games. Guitar Hero and Rock Band are extremely entertaining while intoxicated. Even playing random classic video games like Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog or Bomberman is pretty fun.

#5: If you find yourself alone, start drunk-dialing everyone you know. Remember your friend from high school that stayed home and goes to community college? He or she definitely wants you to call when you are plastered to tell them how much you miss them and love them. If they don’t answer, immortalize your drunken thoughts and feelings by leaving a message. Oh, and if you haven’t talked to Grandma in a while, give her a ring. She won’t mind that you are reeking drunk and it is 3 in the morning.

This weekend when you go out partying, keep this list in mind. Nothing is worse than being all liquored up with nowhere to go.