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Thank God for Prop 8

Jesus and his proponents have finally saved us from the evils of gay marriage, thanks to the passing of Prop 8. Proposition 8 passing is far and away the most pressing matter within California these d...
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Passage of Prop 8 Shames CA

Congratulations, America. For the first time in eight years, you have chosen the right candidate. The world applauds you for stepping up in a monumental decision. While it will undoubtedly be a hugely...
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Democrats, FTW!

Ass plus g.r. is grass! That's a word joke for you right there. Hope you appreciated it. Wait, what's that you say? There was an election yesterday? And a half-black, son of an immigrant will soon hol...
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Frisky Late Night Calls

The booty call invented casual sex. Need proof? Think of our world without it. The long courtships, the cutesy phone calls, the forced attentiveness, oh my. The long nights spent feigning interest in ...
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Scandalous Brazilian Nights

When the Samba and hip hop the DJ was mixing together cut out, I managed to retract my face away from the eager girl I had seen eyeing me earlier to discover that the crowd that enveloped us earlier h...
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Winter Health Depends on Flu Shots

"At Student Health, we have seen well over double the number of flu cases last year [Winter 2008] as compared to the same time periods in the past five winters," Dr. Elizabeth Downing, director of UCS...
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Acid Accentuates Your Mind

"If you take acid, you can see God." What is this strange, magical, wondrous substance? It is the catalyst for the summer of love. One of the most potent drugs known to mankind. Greatly misunderstood...
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I Want A Recount!

Election Day is at hand! Finally, we’ll have an end to the inane political discussion that has gone on for months and months. We’ll have an end to the divisive punditry, the absurd 24-hour...
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Creative Title for Paper Goes Here

Most undergraduate research papers are dumb. I will defend my thesis by writing an introductory paragraph, so that I can announce what you are about to read. In paragraphs two and three, I will write ...
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Proposition 2 Protects More Than Farm Animals

Editor, Daily Nexus, Kara Hess' column about Proposition 2 ("Face Facts on Farm Animals," Daily Nexus, Oct. 30) made it clear how little she knows about Prop 2, a modest measure on tomorrow's ballot.
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I Put It in the Hoop Like Slam

So while most people were still sleeping off their Halloween hangovers Sunday afternoon, the ‘human was watching the most anticipated sporting event of the year: the Slamball championships. What...
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Obama’s Tax Cuts Are Welfare for Non-taxpayers

Editor, Daily Nexus, While Jeremy Simer ("McCain Slices The Truth When It Comes to Tax Cuts," Daily Nexus, Oct. 29) may be correct in pointing out that the farmer earning $47,000 a year will not have...
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Susan Deacon for Santa Barbara School Board

Editor, Daily Nexus, The candidates running for the Santa Barbara School Board may not be as familiar to most UCSB students as the candidates for the presidential election are, but they are real peop...
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Capitalism Will Right Economy

"When you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody," Barack Obama said, in response to a statement from Joe Wurzelbacher - AKA Joe the Plumber - early in October. Joe had asked Obama why he p...
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Yes on Prop 2 for Animals’ Health

Factory farming. This relatively new, industrialized method of food production has come to dominate the global marketplace, but at a terrible cost. We are now learning about the horrific conditions in...
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