Opinion Editor

March 3, 2010

Fantastic Fantasies Finish the Quarter Right

By Opinion Editor

Dark coils of hair decorate his chest, and his muscular arms grip my waist with a lusty firmness. He rips off my underwear and pushes me against the wall and... whoops! Sorry, guys. Didn't mean for you to walk in on that...

February 24, 2010

Don’t Let Whoopsies Ruin Whoopie

By Opinion Editor

Did you know there are over 21,000 students enrolled at UCSB? That's 21,000 chances to meet someone you can converse with, flirt with and sleep with. The series of events along our condom-lined path to pleasure are prett...

February 17, 2010

Delight in Igniting Old Flames

By Opinion Editor

Ah, Spring. It has arrived in full bloom, along with cloudless skies and girls in bikinis and UGGs working on their February tans. As the weather continues its persistent custom of cycling from warm to cold and back agai...

February 10, 2010

Avoid Valentine’s Day Blues Isla Vista Style

By Opinion Editor

Take cover, children. Cupid will be here in just four days, and he is covered in heart-shaped boils ejaculating chocolate-flavored pus. Based on my past several Valentine's Days, this diaper-clad angel can and will infec...

January 27, 2010

Mysterious Methods Make for a Pleasurable Read

By Opinion Editor

I've been writing this column for about six weeks now, and word is finally getting around. People from the dorms who used to conveniently receive text messages when they passed me at the gym are suddenly eager to "catch ...

January 20, 2010

Staying Soft Makes Wild Nights Hard to Come By

By Opinion Editor

This article is dedicated to guys out there who have suffered from Limp Dick Syndrome: a condition that does NOT result in crazy hot sex and is caused by nervousness, malfunction or excessive alcohol intake. To prove the...

January 13, 2010

Sext Messages Signal Next Generation of Booty Call

By Opinion Editor

Hello. My name is Kera, and I'm a drunk dialer. It's been a rough seven weeks, two days and about 13 hours, but I'm finally cured. If it weren't for the support of my sponsor, Sext Message, I might be stuck in a ditch ri...

January 6, 2010

Columnist Shops Local Store to Purchase Pleasure

By Opinion Editor

When my English professor asked our class what we did over Winter Break, I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't prepared to inform 38 strangers that I spent my vacation investigating Santa Barbara's sexual delights.

November 25, 2009

Fill Thanksgiving Weekend With More Than Turkey

By Opinion Editor

Thanksgiving weekend is right around the corner -- and it's sure to be stuffed. Stuffed with turkey, stuffed with pie, stuffed with kamikaze shots with Grandma and, if you have any respect for your beloved sex columnist,...

November 19, 2009

Gaucho Soccer Fans Make Harder Anything but Boring

By Opinion Editor

Andrew Seguin’s submission about his negative experiences in English football stands (“English Jeering Takes Fun out of Football,” Daily Nexus, Nov. 16, 2009) reminded me of how awesome the Gauchos really are. He c...

November 19, 2009

Begakis Misses the Mark in Mass Infanticide Column

By Opinion Editor

Oh, Steven Begakis. How cute that you’ve found God (“Mass Infanticide Cannot Be Government Subsidized,” Daily Nexus, Nov. 17, 2009). That must be so nice. Unfortunately, not all of us share your zeal for a higher b...

November 18, 2009

Give a Standing Ovation for Public Performances

By Opinion Editor

Living in a college town, we see a lot of weird shit go down. Just ask the poor, innocent alcoholics who’ve been ticketed for peeing in public, puking in public, fighting in public and even that lewdest of lewd act...

November 13, 2009

Online Commentary: Nexus Reader Finds A.S. Actions Sickening

By Opinion Editor

Okay, so I’m reading this article (“A.S. Plans Power-Saving Project,” Daily Nexus, Nov. 10, 2009) about how Student Affairs has committed $3 million toward installa¬tion of “photovoltaic solar panels on more cam...

November 13, 2009

Fan Defends Value of “Dear Igor” Column

By Opinion Editor

“Dear Igor” is the very best thing about the Nexus this year, and I am proud that the staff was brilliant enough to create such an epic advice column. The fact that his articles are taken so seriously (&#8220...

November 6, 2009

Labels Distort True Political Ideologies

By Opinion Editor

Jeffery Robin’s article, “Radical Conservative Challenges Parties’ Adherence to Status Quo” (Daily Nexus, Nov. 4, 2009), delivers an important point: “Conservatives” such as Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and...

November 4, 2009

Stick Around Til Sunrise for a Morning Surprise

By Opinion Editor

Picture it: Sunday, 3:37 a.m., dark room. Her cheetah-print bra is dangling from the lamp; his boxers are crumpled near the door. Snores from the sexiled roommate echo through the hallways.