Weather

Yo, Mama

May 10, 2004 by

I hope everyone showed some love for the mothers on Sunday.
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Dan’s the Man, Says Dan

May 6, 2004 by

Did you see the story on the front page about the Nexus naming a new editor-in-chief? I've always thought it was weird when newspapers write stories about themselves.
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Hating the Haters

May 5, 2004 by

I'd like to use today's space to clear a colleague's name. He wrote a column last week imagining the glorious sexual possibilities presented by cloning.
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Kids, Don’t Hold Guns, M’Kay?

May 4, 2004 by

A federal drug agent was giving a gun safety presentation in Orlando a few days ago when he accidentally shot himself in the leg.
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Poop

May 3, 2004 by

Goddamned sonuvabitchin' shit-ass.
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We Still Don’t Understand

April 30, 2004 by

OK, it's late Thursday night, and I have the funniest joke I've written all week (not saying much) all ready to go. When I go to drop it in, I find my space pillaged by some bullshit correction.
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Prettiest Boy in Troy

April 29, 2004 by

That new movie about the Trojan War looks pretty cool. My only beef is with the casting. Brad Pitt as Achilles? Achilles' one weakness is supposed to be his heel, not his girlish face.
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Smitty Checks Out

April 28, 2004 by

This box says 'Weather' on top, so I guess I should mention it's been hot enough to kill the elderly lately. Whoops - I guess that was kind of insensitive. There goes my readership at the old folk's h...
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Hell No, We Won’t Protest

April 27, 2004 by

I was thinking about the assholes protesting against Karen Hughes here on Sunday. Now, I'm not the kind to accuse a person of being un-American just because they are protesting someone.
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Professional Crastinator

April 26, 2004 by

I don't really have time today to sit here and tell jokes. I've got a midterm tomorrow, which means I've got to get home and clean my room, cook a full dinner and organize my desk.
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Sore Loser

April 23, 2004 by

So I wasn't elected A.S president. How many people voted for me, you ask? Well, I'd rather not say. I'm just not comfortable putting a number on it.
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Running Mate

April 22, 2004 by

I received an email Tuesday from a 17-year-old from Los Angeles named Cesar. He asked me a bunch of questions about the weather, and I tried to answer them all.
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4/21 Is Try Again Day

April 21, 2004 by

I heard from a few people who were surprised yesterday that I didn't have anything to say about 4/20.
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Great Day for Demockracy

April 20, 2004 by

Today is A.S. Election Day, and while I'm sure that most of you have already decided who will get your vote... Wait a minute. You haven't decided a damn thing.
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Leaders Need Rest

April 19, 2004 by

And you, too, Nexus? I see that my own newspaper has chosen not to endorse me for A.S. President. I could have used my inside influence to secure the paper's vote, but that would have required discard...
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