Weather

You’re Invited

October 29, 2004 by

The authorities are doing everything in their power to keep out-of-towners away from our celebration this weekend. I'm not a big fan of excessive visitors, but I feel kind of bad for the poor souls wh...
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A.S. Needs Your Help

October 27, 2004 by

Heyyyyyyy kids! Wouldn't you like to feel as if you had a say in student government? Now you can feel as if you do!
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The End Is Nigh

October 27, 2004 by

Two rare events
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Killer Bee Hall

October 26, 2004 by

I'm very disappointed by the choice of our campus buildings' namesakes. For example, Kerr Hall is not named after Warwick Kerr, the Brazilian geneticist who introduced African killer bees to the Ameri...
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Get Up, Get Down

October 22, 2004 by

Last night I had a dream where this ventriloquist lady was on an airplane and she did this really good impression of the pilot speaking: "This is the captain from the flight deck. The seat belt sign h...
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Crafty County Conspirators

October 22, 2004 by

Perhaps there's a sinister explanation for why the county has supported a sea wall for Goleta Beach, where no one lives, but not in I.V., where people's houses are gradually, literally, falling into t...
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Readin’, Ritin’, Roastin’

October 20, 2004 by

California is the 43rd smartest state in the country, according to a survey that ranks public education systems nationwide (in other words, sixth dumbest).
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The Missingitemshuman

October 20, 2004 by

It would be really weird to have a fetish for missing things. Like, "Hey baby, why don't we turn the lights down low and lose our car keys?"
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Vegetating

October 19, 2004 by

Huzzah for rain! The bright, dry air pains my sensitive night-shift eyes. If I had my way, the entire campus would be a catacombs of interlaced passages connecting cold, clammy subterranean chambers -...
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Good Citizenship

October 18, 2004 by

Today is the last day to register to vote in the Nov. 2 election. It's important to practice voting now so you'll be extra prepared when it comes time to elect me for A.S. president later this year.
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Yay, That Sucks

October 15, 2004 by

If you actually read the paper today, you'll discover that you can go on an all-expenses-paid road trip to Florida to help hurricane victims. Cool! It's like the time I got a cushy job after a co-work...
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Made Elsewhere

October 14, 2004 by

Yesterday some bozo said the Weather sucks this year. Unfortunately, he may be right; the budget crunch has forced the Nexus to outsource the Weatherhuman to writers in Bangalore, India, so quality ma...
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A Crappy Day

October 13, 2004 by

I am currently watching two guys carry bags of waste water out of the Nexus office. For a few harrowing hours the other night, sewage seeped into the office - perhaps the lagoon backed up - and all of...
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You’re a Winner!

October 12, 2004 by

UCSB FACULTY MEMBER: YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY WON $1,300,000.00!!! As a UCSB instructor, you are AUTOMATICALLY ENROLLED in the NOBEL PRIZE CONTEST!
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What’s That Smell?

October 11, 2004 by

Damn, don't forget to clean out your backpack every now and then. I use mine as a refrigerator/pharmacy/library/file cabinet, and what goes in doesn't always come back out.
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