Today is the last day to register to vote in the Nov. 2 election. It’s important to practice voting now so you’ll be extra prepared when it comes time to elect me for A.S. president later this year. If you’re not yet registered, don’t bother seeking out the tables with the forms. Simply wear a robe/toga/shawl of magnetic aluminum foil, and the appropriate clipboards will come flying from all over the campus to you. As will file cabinets.

Friday’s forecast: People scramble to register, but a bloodless coup d’état has no deadline.