Last night I had a dream where this ventriloquist lady was on an airplane and she did this really good impression of the pilot speaking: “This is the captain from the flight deck. The seat belt sign has been turned off so get up and dance!” And then everyone, young and old, danced in the aisles. It was sort of like a Coke commercial, now that I think about it.

Flying just isn’t any fun anymore now that passengers are dangerous terrorists, and people forget that the Macarena could take even the most strip-searched, metal-detected flight down.

Friday’s forecast: Dancing and airline food proves a bad combination.